War of the Oral Egos

For Pete's sake, can you just get the GD tooth out?

After he was put under the knife twice yesterday, neither my husband nor I was in the mood for excuses, blame or ginormous egos. But hey, an unexpected $550 covers the cost of a good show involving a head the size of Montana.

After the promise of a simple triple wisdom tooth extraction at the dentist, fully paid for by insurance, Larry was supposed to be on his merry way home. But a little complication occurred. After yanking on that third sucker and breaking it all off but the stubborn roots, the dentist informed us that a little excursion to the oral surgeon was in order. "A 2 pm appointment is available, and everything should be covered," they told us.

Ha! After a few hours of lounging around the waiting room listening to enough Kenny G to kill you (0.5 seconds actually accomplishes that goal), we were escorted into the room to meet a gum smacking hot shot with gold bracelets and a smart ass demeanor. After the oral surgeon berated the lowly dentist for being half the man he was, we got to the business of the $550 payment. The details are too boring and painful to share.

Oh wait! I forgot to tell you, Doc Hot Shot spend a good 10 minutes of our dwindling afternoon reporting how he valiently saved the life of an elderly woman whose heart stopped beating in the chair. When the paramedics finally arrived, they were in utter amazement at his skill and heroism. My God. I can't believe he didn't remove the tooth with his mind.

I will share the best part. Coming back in the room with Larry after he slowly came out of his drug induced coma, I enjoyed the tail end of his conversation with the nurse. He had invited her to dinner and was asking for some moisture to be added to his lips. From a sheer moral perspective, I couldn't possibly report some additional conversation that transpired during his half conscious return to the world...

Of one thing I am sure, dentists and oral surgeons are not in danger of going down in this economy.