Now the Teacher Thinks I'm a Freak

We're really excited about D-Man's world geography class this year--it's actually a bit more like a current world events course. His teacher uses unconventional teaching methods and really gets the students charged up about important issues shaping the people and places in this not so unconnected world of ours.

So of course we're eager to do what ever we can to show Teach how, at home, we encourage knowledge and awareness of things far beyond the back doors in America.

Today Teach was discussing the Everglades, and when she asked the class to name the unique flora and fauna there, D-Man raised his hand to contribute an answer that will forever frame me unfavorably in the first impressions of Teach. The first part of his answer was: "The Skunk Ape."

HE THEN proceeded to tell the class about how "my mother [that's me] once made a trip to the Everglades just to visit this place all about the skunk ape that also teaches people about it."

Unfortunately, that story is true. And it was a total joke of a trip--I REPEAT, it was a fun trip. AND, although I would never admit this in certain company, yes, I know the skunk ape does not exist. I really do. I have never thought for one moment it exists. (But Big Foot, it could be a different story...)

Um. I'm pretty embarrassed. And it's one of those things that I would only make worse with that little phone call I considered:

• "Ahhh, Teach, this is D-Man's mother. I just wanted to call and...well anyway, about that Skunk Ape thing my son mentioned...I just didn't want you to think...I mean, I'm really not crazy...It was more like a joke..."

Yeah. That might make things slightly worse.

The Writer's Bench

Guided by a 3-day scruff, ponytailed man of 36 who had never heard of a blog and doesn't own a television, we made our way through the mangrove tunnels. We came to an opening and pulled our kayaks onto a small strip of beach that wears only several variety of grasses, low lying salt-tolerant vegetation and The Writer's Bench.

In the softening light of evening, what could be more appealing for women fond of the word? A wooden seat for three--only accessible by boat--overlooking the bathwater shallows chocked with hermit crabs, sea urchins and petite starfish.

Oddly, some of us stood around it and one might have propped her feet on its side, but no one sat down. We observed, seeing ourselves outside of the picture of quietude, pining for more time--for a space where creativity does not yield to cell phones, insistent children, mothers who want to inform our wardrobes, and thoughts of small checks in exchange for our soul-words.

The reality of visiting that place frequently enough to satiate the need for calm, neutralizing solitude is slimmer than the single vessels we paddled. But the thought of The Writer's Bench, sitting there in all weather and circumstance, creates a light in the mind we can go without hesitation, guides or bug spray to summon the right sentence for paper or screen.

Does the Florida Skunk Ape exist?

Don't challenge me on this one. Inquiring minds are wondering where Gropius gets off with 140+ blog posts and no content on the Skunk Ape.

Obsession with the existence of "theoretical," "mythical," or "legendary" creatures isn't a pastime of mine, but the Florida Skunk Ape is slightly different. The existence of an occult being living nearly close enough to be considered backyard wildlife strikes up the appeal. And for a 2 year period working at a nature center east of the Interstate, I heard my fair share of stories.

The skunk ape is aptly named by its odoriferous hair, soaked in the aroma of the southern swamps of our state. Of course it's a vegetarian, and though rarely seen, an entire museum has been dedicated to its legendary existence. A couple of years ago, Gropius organized an outing to the Florida Skunk Ape Research Headquarters in Ochopee, Florida--located in the heart of the Everglades. As you can see from the pics, it's a world class operation.

During a tour through the Thousand Islands with an Everglades National Park Ranger the following day, we learned that the folks who operate the headquarters are not exactly considered friends of the environment. Big shocker. Someone there allegedly dressed up in a Skunk Ape outfit and ran through a campground, scaring the daylights out of a few kids and their parents. One might ask if we really have to resort to these measures, given the fact that the creature is...er um...real.

(As an aside, I'll say that the collection of exotic snakes at the headquarters were interesting. But even more interesting was the number of large glass cages without lids... The escaped reptiles are most likely the ones we're seeing on the news, responsible for breeding and eating alligators.)

Rumor has it that the Myakka area is home to a one armed Skunk Ape. How did it loose the arm? Does it have a mate? How can I meet it? Please, someone provide me with answers. The suspense is killing me.

I knew it. He digs social media.

Was I surprised to discover Gropius' YouTube video? No. This dramatic and somewhat creepy video (with The Shining-like background music in the middle), may have as well been made by Gropius himself. He was a Renaissance Man, a trend setter... Always well ahead of his time. And he would love the overzealous interactions focused on the mundane that are so encouraged by Web 2.0.

Though it's a bit long, it offers a proper introduction to Gropius. It captures the Bauhaus movement, which "reconciles art and craft to create a new industrial asthetic." Skunk Ape, this reminds me of your mission as a contractor here in Sarasota.

By far, one of the greatest aspects of this video is the narrator's pronunciation of "Grrropius." One day a similarly tasteful and elegant voice will repeat this name in the Skunk Ape's quarters. The young and sleek charcoal cat will approach, and though not very bright, it will start emerging from behind the couch as soon as the consonant "G" is released from the lips.

Gropius, you were so well-named. Where is your gilded leash?