Why Didn't I Think of That?

Every now and then, I need to remind myself why I pay a professional $80 per hour to provide much needed advice in dealing with behavior problems with a certain young man.

I was distraught beyond belief at work yesterday when I received the call informing me of the referral. It was issued by the bus driver. The "parent liaison" who is assigned to the case contacted us to share that "nearly every box was checked" on the referral form: showing disrespect to the bus driver, moving about the bus while the vehicle is in route, sticking his head and arms out of the bus window, etc., etc. At one point, the driver had to actually stop the bus to get him under control. And this has been occurring every single day on the bus since school began last week. The ominous letters "OTB" were printed underneath the warning. We're told this means that next time, he's Off the Bus.

Now, call me crazy, but even with years of dealing with misbehavior at school, this was still a shock. After coming off of a somewhat peaceful summer and thinking that perhaps the therapy was making a difference, this ain't a real good feeling.

I immediately called the therapist to ask for advice and to schedule an appointment. She explained--a bit like she was frustrated with me, I might add--that this isn't about expecting a 6th grader to follow directions, be respectful, or sit in a seat for 15 minutes. This is about his feelings and my ability to understand them. Oh, silly me, I am such an ass. He's feeling overwhelmed at school and completely flooded with emotion at the grand responsibility of being the little guy on campus. That's what is going on. My gosh, I feel so much better now, and it's really nice to be reminded of my stupidity as a parent and for expecting too much. Instead of coming down on him for getting in serious trouble the second week of school, I need to be even more compassionate.

And by the way, it is ABSOLUTELY unreasonable for me to be tragically depressed about him yelling, screaming and abusing furniture when 15 minutes of easy homework is issued. I need to make a game out of it to make it more fun for him.

I wonder if that will be the right tactic when our car gets totalled when he's a teenager, or when he gets a young girl pregnant. "He must be feeling a little confused or lonely." Let's make a game out of this!

Thanks so much for your expertise, and here's another $80!

Sarasota Fashion is Almost Here!!

Folks, I was really trying to hold out on this post until high season arrived. (I'm probably a little too early for regular season too, but what the hell.)

If you want a good time--a really good time--all you have to do is look at local columns and the various shiny covered magazines around. The fundraising season has almost arrived! And what better way to get engaged in some home town fun than to look at the outfits being flaunted by the socially elite of our town.

If you haven't read the hilarious GoFugYourself website, there's no time like the present. Gifted girl writers Heather and Jessica collect the best photos of celebs prancing around in their worst attire and prepare the most creative commentary you've ever seen. (Thank you RL for turning me on to this!) What sucks is that most of the time, I don't even know who the celebs are, but it still has the same appeal as laughing at the outfits in the local magazines. ("I don't know you from Adam, but I can guess that you probably did PAY for this attire you're wearing.")

Here's a great example of a posting from GoFugYourself, which actually is about a name I can recognize. It's the August 25 posting about Madonna. No really, you have to read it. One day I hope to be the writers you are, Jess & Heath. You don't mind if I call you that, do you?

So here's what I'm getting at. It's my brilliant idea for a fundraiser. And it doesn't even matter right now who would benefit. The idea is to have a FUGraiser, right here in Sarasota. We'd invite Jess & Heath to come in, fug the ugly outfits of our attendees and work with Marjorie to get them slathered in the paper. What do you think? I'm up for this. In fact, I'm ready to go. I can't decide what to wear, but I'm sure I can find some very appropriate clothes at a few local boutiques.

It's pretty fashionable to bring your pet to fundraisers too. Rams, can I borrow Gropius?

My Hair is Falling Out!

Is it too much work? Too much worry? Not enough peanut butter?

I'm not sure what's going on, but every few years I go through a major hair loss episode. The year I graduated from college it was so bad I went to the doctor to get all sorts of blood tests. Nothing showed up, thankfully.

Last month, I did a major hair chopping. A Russian woman who owns a beauty store here in Bradentuky hacked it off while she told me all sorts of interesting dirt about her family. It was a very relaxing session...No one else in there, and I trusted her with my hair as she talked away about her son and her sister living in NYC. She did a great job. Though I must admit, I don't feel quite like me, I'm getting used to it.

Except when I comb my hands through it, I'm getting strands of it that come out. I think there are some current events that may be causing the hair loss. Allow me to ponder the cause as I blog. I believe the potential events leading to hair loss are...

• The newfound knowledge that my dad, a very reasonable and strongly conservative individual, has just purchased a Harley Davidson motorcyle that he actually intends to ride.


• The fact that I am serving on 3 committees (2 of which I chair) and 2 boards, work a full time job, and have another full time job at home. (But I love these things!!!)


• Having the dog wake me up 2 or 3 times each night so that she can run outside and scare a pretend predator out of the backyard.


• Realizing that I must work at night and on the weekends to feel that I am doing enough.


• Obsessing over the number of homeless animals in the world.


• The realization that no matter how much I blog about Gropius, Ramey's cat will never have a name.


• The new realization that the cat probably does have a name, and that name is Eddie.

The bottom line is this. The world is good. I am extremely fortunate. I love being alive. I want to do as much as I can to help people, animals and the environment. But I worry too much. I'm trying to work on it.

What? Ringling Bridge Keeps Its Name?

The newest buzz around Sarasota is reflected with sighs of relief...The John Ringling Bridge shall keep its name, and will not, thank you very much, be changed to the Gil Waters Bridge. (For those of you who have moved on from southwest Florida life, check this article out fom the H-T.)

I have to say, this disappoints me very much. Not because I was a big proponent of Gil Waters stealing the show, but because this was a prime opportunity to give this town a little character. Does EVERYTHING have to revolve around the Ringlings?

How about any of these?

• Peewee's Playhouse Bridge. Don't forget folks, Peewee Herman put us on the map those many years ago. I was just as disgusted as anyone to hear the news of his...inappropriate choice...but when I moved here 15 years ago, everyone was still saying, "You know this is the place where Peewee Herman exposed himself."


• The Jerry Springer Bridge. After all, a primary feature of this structure is being the connector piece to Bird Key. And why would you go to Bird Key unless it was to drop in on our favorite local celebrity, Jerry Springer?


• The Bradentucky "Eat This" Bridge. We all know that a secondary reason for this bridge's birth was to top Bradenton. "Bradenton, your crappy bridges and basically all of your features are no match for what the sophisticated and posh Sarasota community has to offer."


• Schleif Dog Bridge (please, correct me on the spelling), as a tribute to Neil, who has shaped the minds of so many young literature students in the Sarasota County school system. I don't care what anyone says, I loved your class.

I'm so open to your suggestions. And I KNOW if you're reading this, you have some of your own. Let's hear them.

One last comment...Did you catch this in the H-T article? "Waters said Monday that the fight for the bridge and the tussle over the renaming were classic examples of local civics. 'That has been the story of Sarasota,' Waters said. 'Nothing is simple and you have to fight for what you feel is right. And it's a treasure that was worth the fight.'" So true, Gil, so true.

Have I Ever Told You About Patricia?

So Patricia is an older woman I have had the pleasure of meeting and hanging out with on several occasions. She is quite lovely, with a beautiful voice that knows all of the elegant songs of the past 50 years. She has the propensity to sing quietly in public, completely uninhibited.

Patricia often muses on what flowers would make the best arrangements for a church bouquet and on favorite sayings from her late mother.

Patricia can tell you easily about the joys of children and the sadness she feels over their early loss of innocence these days. I adore her perspective on life and the bucket hat and long skirt she wears.

Perhaps one of Patricia's finest qualities is her raw honesty. Why just this weekend, we were sitting and chatting. Our mutual friend (also one of her caretakers) was discussing her recent experiences with men. Patricia seemed to be staring off into space, not listening.

"How is your tea, Patricia? We were just talking about my boyfriend. I thought you might be interested in hearing as well."

The reponse? "No, no I'm not really interested. I could care less."

Yes, it's a little raw, but not as brash as "How about a nice cup of shut the hell up." That just wouldn't be her style.

Fay vs. A Tropical Storm

So Fay turned out to be a milksop. I guess that’s good news in terms of damage control. But Fay, really, couldn’t you at least dump some rain on us? We could use that.

You did accomplish a few good things though, and this we thank you for.

• You gave the kids a day off of school, right after school started yesterday. And go Manatee County! You big bad ass. You showed us that you would be the last county in the state of Florida to make a determination. That waiting until 4 pm thing really proved that you’re a stand alone.
• You gave the local weather reporters a chance to shine. I hear there is a twig or two down near the bay front.
• You also provided us with a nice work at home day. This is what I’m working on.
• You proved that the neighbors behind us really do exist. After a few months of inactivity, we noticed a new family moving in behind us. They dropped a large shed in the backyard and then disappeared. They were back last night to tie up patio furniture to the tree nearest our fence line. So they exist! And they’re all for helping their stuff destroy ours.
• You gave us a reason to fight in Aisle 12 at Publix. I’ve heard about a few small wars that have been waged on the water shelves Sunday & Monday. This proves that we humans still have far to progress on our ascension from being controlled by animal instincts. For now, we’re well equipped with two 24 packs of water bottles. Help us, our house is too small for that. And it’s not good for my environmental reputation.
• Finally, you’ve given us extra Gropius fodder. Were Ferocious G’s marvels of architecture designed with tropical storms in mind? Not sure, but Fay, you didn’t even dare to test them, did you? I hope there’s more where you came from. And next time, do something for the aquifer.

I knew it. He digs social media.

Was I surprised to discover Gropius' YouTube video? No. This dramatic and somewhat creepy video (with The Shining-like background music in the middle), may have as well been made by Gropius himself. He was a Renaissance Man, a trend setter... Always well ahead of his time. And he would love the overzealous interactions focused on the mundane that are so encouraged by Web 2.0.

Though it's a bit long, it offers a proper introduction to Gropius. It captures the Bauhaus movement, which "reconciles art and craft to create a new industrial asthetic." Skunk Ape, this reminds me of your mission as a contractor here in Sarasota.

By far, one of the greatest aspects of this video is the narrator's pronunciation of "Grrropius." One day a similarly tasteful and elegant voice will repeat this name in the Skunk Ape's quarters. The young and sleek charcoal cat will approach, and though not very bright, it will start emerging from behind the couch as soon as the consonant "G" is released from the lips.

Gropius, you were so well-named. Where is your gilded leash?

Gropius Speaks About Beauty

"I consider beauty an essential requirement of life."

When you hear this BBC interview with Gropius, you will doubt no more that Gropius is the appropriate name for Ramsey's kitty. Click here for other BBC interviews with the Grope.

Might I also add that in an intriguing writing workshop today with Roy Peter Clarke, author of Writing Tools, the importance of selecting unusual names was emphasized as a great writing tool. Ah yes, my mind shot directly to this conversation...

What the hell is this?

It's not too hard to find infinitely amusing situations, contradictions and epic battles here in Sarasota. (Gropius vs Eddie was the first of many "battles" to be named, and I'm happy to report that Gropius is coming out ahead. Yes, in this competition, the name with the fewest supporters wins.)

But here's a really good one for you....

...Yes, it's just what it looks like. A stucco wall with a roof and a central door installed (photo, courtesy of Skunk Ape Photography, LLC).

I found it in someone's single family residential yard, just down the street from Ramsey's place.

Now, this could be a poetic statement in seafoam green (or a suicidal construction worker's last grasp at work in the current sluggish market). It could be a brave affirmation of goodness in an increasingly depressing world: the owner walks out each morning, enters the door and closes it behind him to repeat, "When one door closes, another one opens." Or, "this is my door to possibilities."

But with closer inspection, you will notice a set of trash cans delicately--and dare I say deliberately placed--behind the door. What does this signify? I am left with more questions than answers. But this could be the point. I have to believe that the owner of this fine piece of architecture erected the questionable structure hoping to elicit thoughtful inquiry, allowing the trash door to be a riddle within itself. (Even the unyielding trash needs shelter from the rain?)

Basically, I'm not sure what the hell to make of this, but it sure is funny.

The Competition Begins

Not even a month ago, a new edition was brought "into the circle." A young kitty named...oh with no name. The young beast was welcomed as a new addition into the home of the man known as Skunk Ape, Ramsey Frangie. Three weeks later, the kitten was nearing his new identity: the identity based on famous architect Gropius, AKA Mr. G, alias Ferocius G, etc.

Today while talking to PR Goddess M. Wells, I realized that the one who I supposed was the biggest supporter of this new flambouyent and hilarious name...was actually an advocate for another choice, "Eddie."

Mind you, after she explained the name originated from Edward Scissorhands (as the young kitty has grown to enjoy attacking Ramsey at night with its freshly growing claws), I understood. I also favored her argument that any self-respecting woman to enter the bachelor pad might be suspicious of the nickname "Gropie." Who is this man? And what creepy secret might I not be aware of?

So, Eddie became a more understandable choice.

Yet driving home, I continued the mental fight. Does Ramsey need the kind of woman who understands the insane and bizarre humor of a name like "Gropius?" Of course. This could be a filter of sorts for potential mates. "What?" "You don't think Gropius is really funny? Well, it was nice to meet you. Have a nice life."

Gropius vs. Eddie. This cat needs a name. What name will come out the winner in this epic battle of ginormous proportions?