I was just thinking today about a powerful realization my friend the Coaching Goddess imparted on me several years ago.
Are you ready? Here it is:
Many times the best thing you can do for anyone is listen. Acknowledge that you hear them. Don't try to fix. Don't try to advise. Don't even try to soothe with sweet nothings. Just listen and let them know you hear them and support them.
Your friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances will figure it out. If they want your thoughts, they'll most likely ask. Listening validates that all is as it should be, installs confidence that the person confiding in you can figure it out, and if they can't, it provides the knowledge indirectly that she can turn to you for an answer or an idea.
So before any reader goes and decides that this post is about you and any bone I have to pick with you, it ISN'T. Promise. Was just thinking about this today and how it uncomplicates relationships, makes them more whole and provides empowerment to both parties in a discussion.
15 comments:
Very sage advice, my friend. I'm always tempted to try to "start fixing." I'll remember this.
Well-said... I totally agree. I think it's better to lend a listening ear than to blurt out your thoughts. Have a great day my friend! xoxo
I wish I was better at that because it is crtainly good advice. I have friend who weighs her words carefully before she speaks. It takes her forever to answer, but I don't think she ever regrets what she says. I would like to be like that...she says it took her years of training (she's a psychiatrist).
Hmmm?
Excellent advice.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
[nodding here]
And how did that make you feel?
[still nodding]
Mmm-hmm. I know. Mmm-hmm.
That is very, very good advice. And the sad thing is that very few people are good listeners. We can train ourselves to be better at it though. :)
That's really good advice about not giving advice.
On this medium how can we tell you we're listening if we're not supposed to offer even sweet nothings?
I could say "I hear you" except that phrase was ruined for me by a very stupid corporate executive who didn't hear anyone but frequently used the phrase just the same.
I guess we could just post blank comment boxes.
Or just say "I read your latest post."
Can anyone advise me how to resolve this issue?
Notary sojac.
Smokey Stover
That's an excellent point, worth revisiting from time to time. I'm glad something or someone got you thinking about it and passing it on to us. ;>)
When Gropie's got the gold suggestions like these, I'm all ears!
Indeed, many times people just need to vent. The chance to verbally release a few problems in the company of a trusted person can be a very helpful thing.
Listening is a very important skill, and one that is difficult to learn for many people.
Great post, it made me think! I'm going to practice listening this week. I have some tough questions to ask of some people that I care very much about... I need to remember that what I *think* their answer should or will be is totally irrelevant!
Very good advice. We always want to make things Better.
Oh Gropey, this is just so so SOOOO true! Not an easy thing a lot of times, but oh so true.
I've gotten some of the best advice EVER from readers of this blog. And it's almost always when I've asked for it. I truly appreciate it and knew this post was a little risky...don't want to limit the exceptionally astute comments I find here. Thanks for your thoughts on this matter! And Smokey Stover, your advice is always enjoyable. You can show someone you are listening by asking them questions, assuring them they can handle it, you know, just being supportive. You know how.
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