Final Arrangements

So I'm in Greenville, North Carolina in the heart of the Bible Belt on a dial up AOL connection blogging for my NaBloPoMo obligations. I'm with the fam after grandfather died. He didn't want a service, but wanted a few friends to stop by for a champagne toast. Since he was 94, ready to go, lived an awesome life, did everything he wanted to do, it's okay to diverge from all seriousness and share a few interesting things with you...

Like the house visitor who was going to name her baby Palin after Sarah. She settled for Kaylin.  (During her visit, she told us about someone "throwin' a hot pot 'o food at me"--right before she pulled her pants down to expose a new tatoo.) Like the thermostat here with the note to the caregivers reading "If you touch this without permission you will lose your job." Like the 2 hours we spent at the funeral home correcting unnecessary commas in the obituary. (Apparently, they were still using a typewriter and re-typing it with each of the five versions.) Like learning there are two price levels for boxes they put your loved one in before being cremated. My mother asked if the second was a "luxury model of the first cardboard box."

It's been a while since I lived in NC, so during my visits here, I'm pretty focused on the trip a Southern accent can take with the English language. Adding a few syllables to every word (fu-ne-ral becomes a-fu-yew-nuh-ru-yall) is par for the course. The word "father" doesn't really exist. People express their condolences to my mother with "I am so sorry to hear about your daddy" (pronouced dee-ya-dee).

To be continued....

Happy Thanksgiving, ya'll