The Anal Concert-Goer

Yes, that's me. It's me if you include getting highly agitated at people who are rude at shows.

People who must ask you to get up 54 times within a 2 hour period so they can squeeze their largess past you to get another beer, a tray of french fries or whatever it is that they "need" are super unnecessary. For the love of God, did you not KNOW we would be here for 120 minutes to enjoy a show? What the hell would you do if you had to survive in the woods or a road trip or a meeting without provisions for a few hours? I'll tell you what would happen. You would die.

So when this same group tries to return to their seats and cannot find them because they are so drunk they can barely recognize what country they're in, you know what happens. They stand in the aisle staring at you. And you can read their dumbfounded expressions for the duration: "Do I know this chick? Did I squeeze my largess past her on my way for another Michelob?" You guessed it. That ticks me off too. Because I can't see the stage, you jerks!

And ahh, here's another one. The guy behind me that is discussing an important matter on his cell phone during one of the most riveting songs of the evening. Yes, it's true. He was the same putz who decided to open up his big mouth between the songs, because evidently, nothing being said outside of the tunes he recognized was anything of consequence to him. Oh sweet Jesus, was I ready to display my dark and evil side.

People don't do this kind of crap during a Symphony performance, right? They have enough respect for the artists and the crowd to stay put. Don't get me wrong--I love the crazed cheering, singing along and excitement at a stadium show. But all that other stuff, people? There's a roller derby game with your name on it somewhere.