Why Didn't I Think of That?

Every now and then, I need to remind myself why I pay a professional $80 per hour to provide much needed advice in dealing with behavior problems with a certain young man.

I was distraught beyond belief at work yesterday when I received the call informing me of the referral. It was issued by the bus driver. The "parent liaison" who is assigned to the case contacted us to share that "nearly every box was checked" on the referral form: showing disrespect to the bus driver, moving about the bus while the vehicle is in route, sticking his head and arms out of the bus window, etc., etc. At one point, the driver had to actually stop the bus to get him under control. And this has been occurring every single day on the bus since school began last week. The ominous letters "OTB" were printed underneath the warning. We're told this means that next time, he's Off the Bus.

Now, call me crazy, but even with years of dealing with misbehavior at school, this was still a shock. After coming off of a somewhat peaceful summer and thinking that perhaps the therapy was making a difference, this ain't a real good feeling.

I immediately called the therapist to ask for advice and to schedule an appointment. She explained--a bit like she was frustrated with me, I might add--that this isn't about expecting a 6th grader to follow directions, be respectful, or sit in a seat for 15 minutes. This is about his feelings and my ability to understand them. Oh, silly me, I am such an ass. He's feeling overwhelmed at school and completely flooded with emotion at the grand responsibility of being the little guy on campus. That's what is going on. My gosh, I feel so much better now, and it's really nice to be reminded of my stupidity as a parent and for expecting too much. Instead of coming down on him for getting in serious trouble the second week of school, I need to be even more compassionate.

And by the way, it is ABSOLUTELY unreasonable for me to be tragically depressed about him yelling, screaming and abusing furniture when 15 minutes of easy homework is issued. I need to make a game out of it to make it more fun for him.

I wonder if that will be the right tactic when our car gets totalled when he's a teenager, or when he gets a young girl pregnant. "He must be feeling a little confused or lonely." Let's make a game out of this!

Thanks so much for your expertise, and here's another $80!