Understanding that I could turn you off from the beginning with this one, I'll start by saying I've never been a fan of cooked fruits in desert. So allow me to use them in a metaphor.
Dealing with individuals who preach about accountability but have no record of it themselves--or who simply don't have the skills to perform their tasks but revel in providing instruction to everyone else--can be a bit tiresome. When you add attitude to that equation, you have baked a perfectly overweight and toxic triple berry pie.
We all know these people. And we all know that choosing to laugh at the situations they inspire is a better option that getting your feathers all ruffled. Will someone remind me how?
I'm resorting to some tactics I taught myself eons ago which involve overly praising individuals for their brilliance. They feel reassured and eventually screw off, and inside, you know the truth.
The only problem is that it's insincere and I hate it. But it works. I have the proof. Still, that little bug inside of me says, "Don't."
The other day I came across a simple quote I especially love: "Always treat people with politeness, even those who are rude to you--not because they are nice, but because you are."
Are you good at doing this? I am, outwardly. Inwardly, I am bothered by it if the person is someone with whom I must interact on a regular basis. It gets old and I wonder if the toleration serves either of us.
On second thought, I guess politeness is different from toleration. You can still be polite while not allowing someone to continue with their mess. You just have to differentiate what part of it is bothering you (from the ego front) and what part cannot simply be allowed.
Your experiences with the Toxic Triple Berry?
10 comments:
Personally, I like berry pie. :)
Insincerity drives me nuts and I couldn't pull it off. However, I do believe in politeness and yes it does go a long way. It's true that we really do it for ourselves when the other person isn't being polite. It's just like continuing to play by the rules when others are cheating.
I am always polite at work. with my friends I aim for sincerity
Yes, I found that in the parents who would volunteer alongside me at things. Drove me insane and avoidance of those people was how I dealt with it. But if you work with them, you're kinda screwed.
It helps to think about how you wish to be perceived in the long run. As polite, graceful under pressure and assertively patient? Stay calm and polite. As pushy, strong-willed and menacing? Challenge and egoist to a duel of attitudes! Let an ingrate dig themselves in deeper, and step around the hole.
I too love berries.
It isn't impolite to call someone out. As long as it is done politely. I believe that living by the Golden Rule is one of the single best things you can do for yourself.
BTW... Apple pie is one of my favorite things on earth.
Toxic Triple Berry - love it! I always try to be polite...if I don't have anything nice to say, I keep my mouth shut. However, I believe in honesty, so I try not to sugar coat, but there are times I've been guilty of it. I also tell the occasional white lie...of course you look nice, no you are not fat, yes you do sing well etc...This is an excellent post, gets me thinking where I should draw the line.
Let me commend you on the use of metaphors.
Crash course in communication niceness:
Ring, hello, Oh hi Ron
Ron: State your business you have five minutes. Ha,ha,ha,ha
(Actually I meant that)
Ring, hello, Ron?
Ron: Why do you keep bugging me? Ha,ha,ha,ha
(Actually, I kinda really meant that)
Ron: Oh hi, nice outfit. That makes quite a fashion statement.
(It states, that’s what happens when you buy all your stuff at Goodwill. Someone else gave it to Goodwill for a reason)
You are in a 20 item or less line and the lady in front of you has 60 items. Lean your butt against the counter, take off your glasses and squeeze your temples real hard like you have a headache.
The Lady in Front of you: I’m sorry, this shouldn’t take long.
Ron: That’s fine. (NOT REALLY!!!)
This is a great quote, but I know what you're saying about the importance not to let politeness get in the way of tolerating something you shouldn't be even trying to tolerate. Balancing the two is not so easy, but essential for one's well-being. I'm not sure if I'm overall good at that, but I try. I feel like I also always try to be polite and try to be very tolerative (is this a word?)... Then at some point it gets hard to be so nice and that's when I feel this lady made of steel stepping out inside of me, so to say. Somehow, most people usually start to get it pretty quick that it's best not to mess with me. It's like I'm still nice to them, but my tone changes and I don't smile at them or I do but the look in my eyes says something else - I mastered the technique when I was in school where I couldn't say certain things to certain teachers in teh face but knew they were wrong and still wanted to show them that I was aware of what theyr were doing... lol But in all honesty, I'm not sure it's such a good thing to be using a technique like that? When I tell people about it they're mostly skeptical, but it really works for me most of the time. Or maybe it's all just in my head and makes me feel somehow better and thus I just stop noticign or paying that much attention to what used to get to me? Not too sure :) But hey, tahnks for provokign this self-discussion in me lol
P.S. I'm interviewed on the radio about my project this Sunday!! :) I would love it if you could check it out and share your opinion :)) All info here: http://sothankfulproject.blogspot.com/2011/01/radio-show-interview.html
Not ignoring you - it's been a crazy week. I try to avoid people like that, and minimize my interaction with them. If they're being rude and don't know it, I call them on their shit, and usually they appreciate it. If they're being rude on purpose, then I'm extra nice to them, because usually that drives them insane.
I've always like the Rotary Four Way Test of the the things we say. It's an ideal. And as with all ideals if we have trouble with it it's because we're not perfect.
1. Is it the TRUTH?
2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?
3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?
This doesn't exclude being assertive in telling someone you're annoyed as long as you're stating how you feel. I think our responses to those who drive us crazy can be made to fit the four way test if we work at it.
Of course I'm not very good at doing this but I love telling everyone else to do it because people who don't know me well will think I'm a better person than I really am.
Notary Sojac and Happy New Year!
Smokey Stover
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