Social Media Time Warp

Can I just say that things have seemed a little social media weird lately?

I mean, honestly, Facebook, how many times are you going to pull some backwards change on us just to make sure we’re left trying to figure out something new about you? Cute. It’s like a man who you’ve been dating for a few months, who you’re just getting to like and understand. And bam! Then he goes and pulls some stupid crap just to convince you that you really don’t know him (and that he’s a big piss ant). Isn’t this behavior so…last decade?

That reminds me—I’m glad I’m married.

And New Year’s. What about it, you say? A St. Petersburg-based group I started following on Twitter yesterday responded with a direct message wishing me a Happy New Year's Eve. Since I had, in fact, locked myself in my office all day to get some things done, I really started thinking, “My God. Have I been in here for two months?” I actually picked up the phone and called someone (also in the office) just to check.

I changed tactics today and decided to work from home. Interesting way to spend New Year's Day.

The Emergency

Life on this planet nearly came to a grinding halt this morning when the cable appeared to be down at 94-year-old-Grandfather's house in North Carolina. In mere seconds, the sinking feeling of an impending disaster was given life by the possibility of missed episodes of Jerry Springer, Maury Povich and Tyra Banks.

Moments after she dialed a panicked phone call to Parents in Florida, the caretaker realized that hitting the "input" button on the remote provided the anecdote.

The near-tragedy was as real and in-your-face as the shows themselves. But in seconds, like magic, that pit of terror was replaced with relief. Aaaah, there is goodness in this world.

The remote is the giver and taker of life...and the herald of all emergencies and emergency operators.

When things seem bad, at least you don't have BIID

While I was working on a painting yesterday, I was listening to a television program about a man who believes his own leg is not really part of him and wants to amputate it. This named disorder is referred to as Body Integrity Identity Disorder. Hm. I’d never heard of it.

The gentleman flew to San Francisco from Australia so a team of scientists (who seemed to be afflicted with some disorder themselves) performed various tests in an effort to make him accept his leg. These extremely scientific tests included flooding his ear with fluid and holding a mirror up to his “accepted” leg so it looked like he had two of those. Apparently, it did briefly make the amputation desire slightly less intense for him—probably resulting from being dizzy as hell and pissed that he had flown thousands of miles for THAT.

Wow. Just when you think things are heavy in your life…

Did you notice that I began this post by making sure to mention that I was conducting another activity while I listened to this little broadcast? It’s true. And I wanted to make sure you knew I didn’t devote my undivided attention to this narrative. Does this come with a disorder name?

Halloween Memories

This kicks off an entire month of blogging every day: NaBloPoMo. It's my first year of participating. (Check out Uncommon Blonde & Pines Lakes Redhead too!) I'm hoping things don't degenerate from here as I'm forced to reflect on the daily minutia. But what better way to start than with a few Halloween memories, including my musings from trick-or-treating days and last night's mannerless kids.

Husband and I stayed in last night to pass out candy and watch scary movies. Once again I arrive at the same realization: I cannot watch horror flicks without lingering visualizations of blood and gore. I just can't do it. (So thank you, The Haunting in Connecticut and Halloween. I will have nightmares for the rest of the year.)

Our young visitors fit the trending generalization we hear of with today's kids wanting something for nothing. They don't even say "trick-or-treat" anymore, for God's sake. That's all you're supposed to do to get a freaking handout. What's that all about?

According to my mother on the other coast, she was told by several kids and (a mom who was collecting for a kid who couldn't muster the strength to get out of the car) that they "didn't like that kind." Shut UP. They didn't. Really.

I remember being extremely satisfied with any Halloween house visit as long as it didn't include a piece of fruit, a mini toothbrush, a quarter or those skanky Mary Janes. Admittedly, I was never a fan of candy corn either. But of course I never DREAMED of turning something down or not saying thank you!

After filtering through D-Man's 2,877 pound pillowcase full of candy last night, it hit me how totally ungrateful our culture is over here. I feel like my elders when I pull out the "starving kids in Africa" lines, but seriously. How disgusting is it that kids complain about not getting the type of CANDY they want from a complete stranger? Do they realize all we have to be grateful for?

I swear the next month of daily posts will be more upbeat, positive and not so rant-like. Thanks for letting me get my Halloween party pooper out.

I'm Here!

Yes, I'm alive. And it's not that I haven't had things to share on Gropius, it's that the things I've had to share are...ah, shall we say, the type of things that can get me into deep doo doo. Things certain individuals might be able to guess like...

1. Is Gropius talking about ______ [this person/situation]? Yes, I am.
2. Wow, is it possible that Gropius is thinking about taking _____ [drastic action]?
3. Is Gropius considering not giving Halloween candy out this year? Okay yes. I was. I'm just not in the mood. (But of course I folded and invested the mandatory $40 in candy and special treats for the kids I like on our street.)

And yes, things have been rather busy at work. I haven't been doing this:

Is there a reason we continue to buy bananas every week?

The Landings: Pure Comedy

I miss the days of living in the Landings neighborhood here in Sarasota. ...Not quite enough to want to be back there, but the regular comedy provided by the neighborhood rules, the insanity of "neighborly" aggression and residents terrified of nature were pretty much unbeatable. Just a few of my fondest Landings memories include...

• My father being woken up at 2:30 a.m. by the guard house to a warning that we were breaching the neighborhood covenant by mistakenly leaving our garage door open.
• Residents calling the cops to remove an alligator in one of the neighborhood wetlands...just because it was there. (This was a frequent occurrence.)
• Countless $100 fines for brother being "caught" on the nature trail at night.
• A resident claiming that kangaroos came out on the streets at night. And they were big.
• Having a woman stalk me in her car to see if I would clean up the defecation of my now deceased (and legendary) yellow lab...even before he stopped to take one. The second the act originated, she started screaming wildly, "You gotta clean that up! You gotta clean that up!"

My bro (now in Texas) is at home with a new baby and apparently bored to the point of checking out the newest Landings news online. So happy to hear a report that things are still just as hilarious as they were years ago.

In the recent Landings news, we have reports of the security guard being summoned by a homeowner to clean up dog poo that a walker failed to pick up and a call from a neighbor concerned about a woman sprawled out in her driveway...who was just drunk, for the love of Pete, and just wanted to spend the night outside. All I have to say is, mind your own feaking business and learn to deal with poop in life--literally--people!

It's still a damn shame we're not part of the excitement anymore. And like always, I wonder how the residents would react if a real tragedy hit, God forbid. Thank goodness for the entertainment provided at Landings online.