The Secret Workings of Being Thankful

I've always considered myself to be a pretty grateful person. Throughout the rolling tape in my head each day, I consider how lucky I am to be healthy, to have people around me who care about me, to delight in small things, to notice and enjoy nature, to have a person in a dog's body for a pet, to have something upstairs in the good 'ole brain, etc., etc.

However, I have my fair share of sarcasm. It's there as a coping mechanism to entertain myself when things aren't exactly as I'd like them to be. I'd like to transform that into more active and unwavering appreciation for whatever I may encounter each day.

Julia Osovskaya took thankfulness to a whole new level with her blogging project last year. She vowed to write each day about one thing for which she was grateful--whether it was expression of a fat element of life or a situational reflection that one might not normally consider in a positive light. She succeeded and took me along in her journey.

I found her thankfulness refreshing and contagious. She's found that it changed her life. A couple days ago, Julia shared what daily thankfulness--deeply considered and expressed in writing--did for her. In her own words, here are 5 ways it's changed her. I think the first is most meaningful for me.

1. I don’t really get upset that much any more.
2. I feel much more comfortable when it comes to making distant future plans.
3. I’ve became a much more cheerful person and this is something other people actually now notice about me. Just recently someone told me the first thing they noticed about me and would never forget was my broad smile upon saying hello to them... I would never forget them saying it either, because this might as well be the first time someone told me something like that. And I honestly believe such thing would have never be applied to me if it wasn’t for my year of gratitude that did this magic to me.
4. I get up in the morning and I look forward to every day. This hadn't quite happened since I was a child, so it definitely feels positively new. I think it’s because I now know that no matter what the day ahead holds for me, I will be able to remain positive through whatever.
5. Not only my year of gratitude showed me what my true passions were, it totally showed me all the ways I could try to pursue my hopes and dreams. How is that not good?

Thanks, Julia, for your example of living in gratitude. It's a mindset, and once you get the hang of it, it's just part of who you are. I'm hoping to be more conscious about living in that space.

Check out Julia's blog here. Sending wishes to you for calmness, health and all good things as this year draws to a close.

Christmas This Year

It's been a good couple of days...pretty good.

Parents came in on Thursday for a short visit. Together time at the house, followed by an Indian dinner at Dawaat (divine!) and a stroll through lights at the botanical gardens were a perfect combo.

Friday's Christmas Eve was leisurely, except for one daring expedition into the insane rush of traffic. After braving the roads for a couple of last minute things--Merlot and a bottle of Bailey's to go with the next morning's Christmas coffee--I knew home was the right place for me. I had also waited in Starbucks for 20 minutes only to find they omitted the peppermint from my peppermint mocha. When you're dumb enough to pay $4 for a freaking cup of coffee, you feel like even more of an idiot when you find out you didn't get what you really wanted.

Back at home in a cheerfully devious spirit, I concocted a fabulous family Christmas letter (mocking all Christmas letters sent with misspelled words, incorrect grammar, famously boring details, inappropriate financial information, bragging about kids and accomplishments, etc.). The intended audience was family and close friends. I think they enjoyed it.

Christmas was lovely. Husband and I decided on bikes for each other so we could have another choice in our recreational outdoor pursuits. I'm happy with that. Although I feel that Husband would secretly enjoy more fishing paraphernalia, I think we'll enjoy our time together on trails and quiet streets.

Watching Flanders unwrap presents has always been a riot for us. She so much enjoys running around ripping paper off of squeaking balls and plush Santas, and when the paper has been shredded, she comes back for more. Only this year, her toys must have been pretty crappy. They were destroyed in under an hour.

It was lovely up until this evening when I saw a notice that my next Verizon bill is over $400. Wait...four what?  I was sure there was a reasonable explanation for all this, like Verizon majorly messed something up.

Except Verizon didn't mess up. My 14 year old has apparently been ordering adult films after school in the hour he is alone before we get home. I'm talking 18 of them in the past 25 days.

If you laugh, I'll kill you. It's not funny. I'm not only so upset I can't even express myself, but I'm scared. What kind of house is this? Don't tell me it's normal.  It's not normal for my house. What's worse?  The lying about it? The bill? The fact that my kid is watching pornography--a LOT of it?

We're currently trying to see what parts of his opulent Christmas can be returned to the store to raise the money he needs to pay that little bill.  I'm truly disappointed and am wondering who this kid is living here.

Looking at the larger picture, with so many people in the world and even in our own community not knowing where that next meal will come from, I know it's all small potatoes. I'm grateful for what we have and don't forget that for a minute. Still, having your trust betrayed is a real bitch, especially when you're worried about someone you love growing into a responsible and successful young man.

It's not the kind of ending I was hoping for this Christmas Day, but I give thanks for the abundance we do have in our lives. There's a lot to appreciate.

The Story of Anus Christmas Cookies

Husband has quite the little bond going with Neighbor across the street. I'll admit, they are very good neighbors. It's a sweet family: mother, father, little girl, older boy. The father is Husband's bud. They have a beer together after work, spend countless hours doing God only knows what in the "man cave," and do great home improvements together to help one another out. I call him Larry's Biotch.

So Husband has been on a real cookie kick this year, making batches and batches of his mother's Christmas cookie recipe. He delivered them to Neighbor and family a few days ago. And then, after work, it all came out.

Biotch:  "My wife prepared a tray of cookies for me to take to work. They included the cookies you brought us, man."

Husband: "What? You gave my Christmas cookies away? You didn't eat them?"

Biotch: "Well we ate the peanut butter and chocolate chip ones. The other ones weren't...us."

Husband: "So wait, you don't eat Christmas cookies? You don't like them?"

Biotch: "Yeah, I liked the ones my mom made--especially the anus cookies."

Husband: "Wait...Did you just say you like anus cookies?'  [And again... ] You eat anus cookies?!"

Biotch: "Yeah. You know that stuff that tastes like licorice? What's so funny about that?"

Husband: "Oooohhhhh, you're talking about ANISE, not anus. Hmm Hmmm...You like Anus Cookies! You like Anus Cookies!"


Obviously, Husband's Biotch will never live this down. It's all over neighborhood. And all over my office. And all over everywhere. It's too good not to share. The Biotch's mom would probably be beside herself if she knew how her baking is being portrayed.

Wrapping, Not Rapping

D-Man has grown quite fond of rap. It seems to define a lot of his generation...which scares the daylights out of me, by the way.

But over the last week and into this one, he's been doing a lot of wrapping.

Earlier this school year, we enrolled D-Man in the Explorer's Program, a Manatee County's Sheriff's deal for kids in middle and high school. They're supposed to learn about what's involved in being an officer of the law. Since the D-Man has talked on and off for years about being a police officer, this seemed to be a perfect introduction for him.  [There are some aspects of the program I've been pretty disappointed in, but that's another story.]

As an opportunity for volunteerism (and of course to earn money for the organization), participating kids are wrapping Christmas gifts at the mall. D-Man has volunteered for quite a few shifts, and he likes it. Since we're not big on letting him just hang out at the mall unsupervised, this is a way we can both get what we want. He can stroll down to the food court and get lunch when it's slow, and we (presumably) have the assurance that he's not in a situation where either judgement or safety is compromised.

I like the stories of what he's been wrapping. D-Man seems to enjoy the variety of people and the gifts they've selected. As he describes it: "iPods, iPads, coats, even stuff from Victoria's Secret, crock pots, LOTS of bathrobes..."

His favorite gift was brought to the counter by a man who is planning to propose to his girlfriend on Christmas Day. D-Man said he stood there for so long trying to adjust the position of the ring in its box to make sure it was perfect. He checked in with D-Man for reassurance and D-Man told him he had a good feeling she was going to say yes.

Isn't that cute?  He's a charming kid. I delight in knowing that he put the final touches on a gift that will change two lives. Good grief...I hope she says yes.

A New Holiday Tradition

This year I wanted to initiate a special gathering with friends to celebrate Christmas and the completion of another year. Dinner or breakfast--argh. Another reason to eat this time of year is not cool. A party at my place--there's enough stuff strewn all over with decorations and I can't stand the stress of people crowding in here.

So I decided on a Holiday Nature Walk at Robinson Preserve.  Today was the day, and naturally it was the one day in the last twenty years it has rained here in December. Okay, yes, that may be a slight exaggeration about the twenty years. But it is not an exaggeration to let you know how many times I dropped the f-bomb while driving to the preserve.

As the windshield wipers went back and forth, I wondered how many of the 20 great ladies planning to come to Bradenton from Sarasota would make it and how many would actually want to walk in this weather. On a Sunday morning, there wasn't much room for a Plan B.

One by one, they all showed up except two. They were ready for an adventure. Not one suggested we didn't go or looked unenthused. Decked out in varying degrees of rain coats, umbrellas, hoods and quilted jackets, we set out.  We had a unbelievably peaceful walk in the light rain and soft mist through the preserve. Small groups formed and re-formed differently throughout the few miles as old friends saw acquaintances and new people met for the first time.  I enjoyed it all and am thankful to know such a great assemblage of women.

We shared a simple lunch at Atlanta Bread afterward. I returned to the house and read and napped for half of the afternoon. I'm thinking the others did the same.

I love the new tradition and hope to do it every year.

Mr. Charleston Called It: The Arboretum is Magic

Driving an hour or so outside of Phoenix, up near the little community of Superior, you will come upon a place full of color, texture and magic.

The Boyce Thompson Arboretum is a peaceful 300+ acre garden with native Sonoran Desert species, cactus varieties from Australia and South America, and unexpected forested pathways leading around orange boulders and toward dead-ends you're happy to discover.  

There are lots of well planned gardens and places of beauty, but some of them call to you in a way other places do not. It's the kind of connection you can't really explain. Here's a bit of what I enjoyed at the Arboretum:

Travel, Security and Being New

I am so grateful for the luxury of travel. Wish I could do it all the time.

It makes me appreciate the larger world we all share. While it reinforces the diversity of Earth in terms of the unique flavor of places, traveling also drills in the unifying factors of the human experience in general.

Understanding I’m not exactly talking about a visit to China here, I still enjoy knowing that no matter where you go, people are people. And you are yourself wherever you go.

I feel the great sense of appreciation knowing how fortunate I am to return to Husband and D-Man. My dear friend in Arizona is alone. She’s new in a big new place, looking for work, the right man, and a group of friends she can be herself with. Those are hard things to come by at any time in life, in any place.

Over the last few years but particularly after this visit, I realize I’ve taken security for granted—that which comes from knowing I have a steady, trusted group of people on which I can depend. Knowing someone is waiting for me when I come home is huge. Being the independent person I’ve always tried to be, I’ve lost sight of how much peace of mind I derive from Husband, the parents and others. Self-sufficiency has little to do with it. It’s more about connection and safety.

I often wonder why it’s such a small priority for us to be receptive to new people with whom we come into contact. Perhaps we don’t know when someone new to our community really needs us—they don’t tell us they’re new or we don’t think to invite them out with us. Or maybe it’s because we think there just isn’t room for anyone else in our busy schedule. Our lives are so full and settled as they are—so many superficial details taking up most waking hours of our days.

I’m going to make a bigger point of discovering and embracing new people in Sarasota. I am grateful to those who did it for me when I was new so many years ago.

Final Coyote Resting Place

Here in Arizona, and in many places in the US, coyotes are everywhere. We have a growing population in Florida as well. I think they're interesting, charming and versatile as a species.

Even the nature lovers among our human inhabitants here on Earth tend to forget the majesty of a creature as it becomes more common. And poor coyote has fallen victim to irreverence since he's not so rare. But I find him pretty amazing.

On Saturday as we were driving up to Pinnacle Peak (outside of Carefree, Arizona) for a hike, the light was so beautiful streaming through the saguaros all over the landscape. They looked like they were glowing as the sun highlighted the spines. And the salt bushes were almost angelic as the morning illuminated their fluffy seed vessels and the ground around them as if touched by newly fallen snow.

I asked the Coaching Goddess to pull over so I could take a photo or two, and we happened to choose the spot right where a coyote had passed out of its life. It was probably hit by a car. Because the ground was covered in the white dandelion-like fluff, I didn't even notice him at first. Then I saw his paws, still in tact.

You can see his outline in the second photo on this post too, if you look closely.

I thought about Coyote for the rest of the day and what his life must have been like from the start as a playful pup, through adolescence and going out on his own, and to all of the trials of his adult life surviving on what the desert provides.

His final resting place is so beautiful, and his body is going back into the desert. Where his spirit is, I could only guess.

I Thought Florida Had the Trademark on Sunsets

I'm out in Arizona for a few days, visiting with my long lost friend the Coaching Goddess who left me back in the spring for a new land. It's so good to see her. The little town of Carefree, just up the road from Scottsdale (just up the road from Phoenix) is lovely.

The big sky surrounded by a silhouette of mountains lends itself well to sunsets.

My Other Dog Face, Stream of Consciousness

So I marched down to the neighbor's house this evening and discovered that...

a.) It was not their sweet, old, shiter-spreading dog barking all night.
b.) They have taken in a second dog they found wandering around the street and have relentlessly tried to find its home for 4 days. That's not the dog barking either. They don't know what to do. The shelter here is full, and the pound carries an uncertain future.

The irresponsible person with the barking dog lives behind them. It barks all day. And it barks all night.

What is it with people and animals?!

The sound of the barking, obviously carrying farther in the cold air, resumed by 6:00 p.m. this evening. 
(Wait, does sound really travel farther in cold air? See answer.)

Neither my problem listening to the barking nor the dog's problem being left outside without care are resolved by this knowledge. And I feel pretty bad for the neighbors I labeled as the culprits at this point. They can't escape it, no matter what, because of their proximity.

So I have already established my love for all things animals with you, right? But let's just say I do not like to see pooches (however lovely they are) inside of stores or on airplanes. I looked up in Ann Taylor not long ago--stop me if I told you this already--and saw some lady with a snotty dog in a purse. "WTF," I thought, "this ain't no PetSmart."

Last week a plane bound for Phoenix landed in Pittsburgh because an 89 year old passenger's dog decided to let itself out of its little kennel. It bit another passenger and the flight attendant. Really? What the hell are dogs doing on planes again?  I forgot.

I feel sort of two-faced about the whole thing. My dog is a part of my family and I feel that pets should be treated as such. But there are certain places meant for humans--like places with tight spaces in which you've paid for a seat (and cannot escape) and places selling new goods or food you don't want to have touched by pet dander or hair.

Is that fair?  OMG! The dog stopped barking...

...Never mind, something was just loud on the tv.

I'd Like My Neighbors To Enjoy Being Outside Overnight in 32 Degrees

Maybe then they would have a greater understanding of how their dogs felt last night.

You screw with animals, and you're not really on my good side.

Around 4 am this morning, I heard a number of dogs barking on our street--dogs who had been left outdoors in the freezing temperatures we're experiencing here. In addition to being awake for quite a while after a very long work day yesterday, I can't sleep and am outraged at this irresponsibility.

Dogs are not objects. They deserve to be nurtured and taken care of. If you can't do it, don't own a dog. Don't "try it" and give the dog up if you can't handle it. Don't even make that decision to go there by getting one in the first place.

I called the police twice in the last two hours. When they arrived on the street, three of the barking dogs were just walking around the street.

I understand these things happen. Accidents occur. Dogs go under fences or escape through unsecured doors. But really? On a night when it's freezing here in Florida?

I know one household to which a barker from this long early morning belongs. The dog has been a wanderer for quite some time and is frequently found taking its morning constitutional in our backyard. I feel terrible for the dog--it's old and not well cared for. The problem is, the alternative is death in the pound. They don't go to great lengths to adopt old dogs out. They get euthanized.

I believe these neighbors have had difficult financial circumstances, but I'm so disappointed that they aren't doing what's best for their pet--or the neighborhood. And they're going to get a knock on the door from me when I get home this afternoon.

I Do Eat Eggs

I've been a vegetarian for 17 years, but I do eat eggs, organic and free range. Those chickens were treated well, and the eggs themselves are unfertilized non-beings that will never be on the way to freedom from the shell. At least I thought so.