What I Was Thinking During the Bret Michaels Concert

Okay, Bret, should you ever stumble across this, I'm not dissing you. In fact, on the Apprentice (which I think is a fabulous social and business experiment), I thought you were awesome--creative, dedicated and always cordial to others without "throwing anyone under the bus." (The most overused expression these days, I know.) I was pulling for you in every show, and you did it--up against some pretty formidable competition.

I'll admit that I never had any inclination to savor the sounds of Poison, but who could forget the enthusiastic big hair thrashing and skidding around the stage shown every 5 minutes on MTV back in the day?

So this isn't a diss, but last night as you performed after the Rays game, these were my thoughts:

1. Your armpits are immaculate.  Do you shave them? Surely you must. They're sooo smooth.
2. I am so nervous for you. Man, you've survived some crazy hospital visits lately. And you're getting a bigger workout in 5 minutes than I've had all year. Please don't die on us.
3. So...we've heard a ton of times tonight that you have a new show on VH1 about your life...and an autobiography coming out.  I probably won't have time to watch it or read it, but I'll try to plug it in the blog. Here you go.
4. It's not a complaint, just an observation, but you sure do talk a lot. There's like a 5 minute intro to every song about why you like that song or the way things all happened back in the Poison days. But you know that. 
5. I feel old as hell. Sitting way up high with my purse in my lap so it doesn't touch the beer that spilled all over the floor, I looked around and thought, "One day I would have been scrambling to get next to that stage, just for the experience. I'm really tired. It's past my bed time. Can you do 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn' soon?"

In summary, it's not you, it's me. In the end, you're a brave fellow. I admire your zest for life and your enthusiasm. And you are very gracious--abundantly sharing that you love us and you love Tampa and St. Petersburg and you love the Rays. That's a very cool thing to do.

Most people would take it extra easy in the face of serious health problems, but you've sucked even more marrow out of life, just as Thoreau would have advised you to do. Glad I got to hear you in the flesh.

Can I just ask one final thing? What the heck does Unskinny Bop actually mean? Truly, I've always wanted to know.