It's Kind of...Quiet

Was kind of quiet. Within five minutes of walking in the door, multiple televisions were on, and there was talking across rooms, sighs when the anticipated answer wasn't returned and a general air of drama.

For a week and a half D-Man hung out in Miami for a visit with Nana. The absense of generation induced tension was conducive to unfettered contemplation, and just...peace. With the quietude, calmness crept in and settled. Following that, the ability to actually relax in my own skin.

At first the obvious freedoms and lack of interruptions were the focal point:  I could walk around at night in my underwear if I wanted to. The sound of friends incessantly knocking on the door was absent.  And there was no banging around in D-man's room--the inevitable echo of a teen who's just been denied a certain right of all teenagers everywhere, like spending the night at his buddy's house when he's been there all day.

Ahhhh......sigh.

I forgot what a lack of drama can do for the home. And although I can't imagine life without the sweet and compassionate D-Man, a little breather and time alone with Husband was a good thing. It was easy to sink into just the two of us, knowing that D-Man was safe and also enjoying his time away from us.

Time alone with myself came over this past weekend, when Husband made the trek down south to pick the little man up.

Nothing felt sweeter than cleaning the house on Saturday morning, mowing the lawn and settling down for a solitary and hot afternoon on the porch. I stopped and bought oil paints--the first set I've had since high school--and spent the greater part of the day in the near 100 degree heat listening to late summer insects and swirling turpentine with yellow ochre, burnt sienna and phalo blue.  It wasn't long before the heat wasn't a worry and I just melted into the original rhythm of me.

My life is all the more rich for my home with Husband and D-Man. But there's no doubt that quiet and solitude, and the ability to return to my own person, are necessary parts of being. The same is true for them, and for any of us who have inner lives. I am learning not to apologize for it and to nod with understanding when the call for it comes from someone I love nearby.

It's so nice to have D-Man home again. He's growing up so fast, it won't be long until I'm yearning for the tales of drama that will have long since passed. I'm thankful to have had the space for reflection on myself as a single unit and as part of three.