It's Friday night and I just awoke from a 3 hour nap. Exhausted from a stressful week, I fell asleep after a couple of slices of cold pizza and two articles in this month's Audubon magazine. What's going on at 11:12 p.m.?
Apparently, Husband is treating D-Man to "Alien Vs. Predator." I'm so, so not amused. The second I walk in the den, I hear "Okay, it's time for bed, D-Man."
Maybe I'm just being ultra-sensitive here, but I feel like this completely enforces the "Gropius as Dark Overlord" theme--one for which I do not care.
It seems that as D-Man has gotten older, all of "those things" that I knew I would never allow my kid to do-- like watch violent films, play video games for more than 30 minutes a day, and spend more than half of every weekend at someone else's house--all happen on a regular basis.
Honestly, I think a huge part of it is two very different views of parenting. And I'm not saying Husband is wrong. But I don't like my role as regulator, breaker up of the Boys' Club activities. Husband doesn't realize it, but always, it makes me the bad one. Something that's extra uncool since I'm the step parent.
I'm not so silly to think that today's 13 year old isn't experiencing a whole different level of media, conversation and exposure to unfavorable crap than I did at that age, but I would like to think that as a parent, I can control the level of exposure. Parenting is hard. Being part of a united parental duo is hard. And increasingly, I'm finding that my expectations are countered by the fun of the Boys' Club pair, my 35 year old Husband-Kid and my 13 year old stepson. Thankfully, only one of them may read this posting, and he'll get over it.
By the way, I've never seen Alien vs. Predator until the last little bit tonight. It's completely inappropriate for a young audience, but for adults, it's pretty ridiculous and could be funny if you have a few drinks. I'll put that on my to-do list. Way at the bottom.
P.S. Husband is a super good dad. I don't mean to intimate that he isn't. We just--diverge--on a few things.
10 comments:
Parenting is really a tough job... especially if the kids were dealing with are in their teens.
I think your husband wants to bond with the kid on the kid's level. Dads usually do that. They feel that they can reach out with the kids if they are presumed cool. Don't be so hard on the hubby, he's just trying to be a cool dad.
So the moms are always labeled as the antagonists in the story. But you know what, I learned this lesson... kids go to their moms for serious stuff because they know that moms are dependable.
My advice: continue being your usual mom self, the one who imposes rules... your efforts will be properly recognized in time. Believe me!!!
Have a great weekend! xoxo
I'm a part time step-mom (girls come for summers), and I can say that I feel your pain. I haven't had that happen to me yet, but I'd definitely be irked if it did.
A dad who can be a kid with his son is something of a rarity. If that important bond isn't formed early it will never be there. Just think of how well connected Larry is with Fred. Hopefully Larry and D-man will be that well bonded.I wish my father had had that talent.When he was on his death bed I realized that I never knew him very well and that was as sad as the fact of his dying.
To spare yourself some stress ask yourself if the things that you think are so bad will really make a significant difference in the long run. My widowed grandmother raised seven wild boys and had no time to discipline them at all, but they turned out just fine.
You're a wonderful example of a wife, stepmother, and caring person.In those roles you will prevail. You don't need the aggravation of having to be a disciplinarian. Let go a bit.If you find that difficult you might want to reconsider your standards.
Written in the spirit of love.
Aaaaah! I take back that last word "standards". Absolutely the wrong word.Maybe "criteria" is a better word? I have a very bad cold and my brain is too frazzled to come up with the right word. I hope you know what I mean. I think people in your generation use the phrase "Chill out" to get at what I'm trying to express.
Great reactions from a range of perspectives. As a mom-like teacher and Aunt, I'm quite a strictypants when it comes to violent aliens and car chases around the red light district of grand theft auto realms and other dark places that kids' entertainment takes them to sometimes. That said, a Friday night is a good time to stay up later than usual. Also, think of a weekly or fortnightly dose of junk as innoculation. Rely on reverse psychology: if you put bans on things, D-Man will crave it. Maintain the momness and think of all the amazing gains mothers and women have made as exerters of influence over our boys.
What sage advice from your readers. I was quite strict with my firstborn but much more relaxed (read that as tired) the second time round. Even thinking about parenting makes me want to take a nap now..... if i had to do it all over again I'd need one of those English style nannies as backup!
I can relate to this on a somewhat smaller scale. I'm not a step mom, but I know there is a whole new level of challenge to that role that complicates the already difficult job of parenting. Even so, my husband lets our two watch way more TV and drink way more soda than I approve of, and I do feel, as I said just two nights ago when I came home from an art class to find them all staring at the TV surrounded by dirty dinner dishes, "villianized" when I point out that this is just not how we agreed to raise the family.
It's frustrating, I know. I just try to do all kinds of fun things with the kids so it is very obvious that I am NOT the antagonist--I just don't need a large screen and all kinds of sugar to have a great time.
Being the only girl in the house can be a little challenging. Sometimes it does cause us to feel like the outsider (or the voice of reason). Don't worry, your guys love you just the way you are... rules and all!
think about what it is like to try and parent a kid when you and the dad don't live together. Nightmare as we agree on very little. I too, however, as I think most moms and step moms are usually the "bad"guys.It happens a lot. Not to say that all dads aren't good parents but often it is up to the mom to enforce the rules. Sucks but that is the way it seems to be
I guess the problem is that these unsavoury temptations are rather prevalent these days. To deny would be folly. To control the dosage, and ensure the material is understood for what it is (ie. nonsense) is the key.
13 years old? Just wait till he starts to discover girls!
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