Turns out both mom and I knew The Publix Predator on our own terms. And one day, he put two and two together, figuring out we were mother and daughter, thus multiplying his stalking power in the parking lot, aisles, and check out line. I'm sure he's just a simple old man.
So in Florida, we have a nice grocery store chain called Publix. And in most locations, Publix has friendly, helpful employees. The company makes a point of giving jobs to people with disabilities and they give a lot to charity.
At a store I used to frequent, an older gentleman who worked as a bagger used to love to help me out to the car. He was a sweet, gentle soul who loved to talk about his dog, his deceased wife and ask about my life. I really enjoyed our short conversations. But he started getting a little "extra" friendly. He started getting all up into my personal space, making a huge point to touch me on the back, on the arm, or generally move into a sphere where he didn't exactly belong.
Discussing this guy with my mother one day, she said "Oh you mean the Publix Predator?" Apparently, she had the very same experience (as I was sure a million different women did), and had invented this little name for him for home use--you know, because he was like a "nice" stalker. Rii-iight.
It didn't matter where you were in the store, the Publix Predator would find you. I started scouting the parking lot before trying to enter the store. Once through the automatic door, I'd do a lightening scan of the check-out aisles to see if he was bagging. If he was there, literally it was as if his "spider sense" directed him to my presence.
You could move faster and faster with the carts, trying to hide yourself behind bananas, Campbell's soup displays, mountains of Halloween candy--whatever it took.And I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but sometimes you just want to get your freaking groceries. And most of the time, you don't want a strange man all over you.
So one day, mother and I were ran into the store together to pick something up. PP saw us and realized we were related. Things got a little heavier after that. "Oh, so that's your DAUGHTER?" What a can of worms.
After that day, mom did some recon to figure out his schedule and didn't go shopping on those days if she could help it. As for me, a move to Bradenton, just a few minutes away from Sarasota, did the trick. My parents live on the other side of the state. I have no idea what jarred my mind to think about the Publix Predator today. I'm sure he was just lonely, but there are boundaries, right? I hope he's well.
And under normal circumstances, Publix is a great place to shop.
14 comments:
Oh poor soul... maybe he is just so lonely and that days in the grocery meeting and talking with people is his only outlet. But I know what you mean, it kinda gives me the creeps too. Happy Tuesday! xoxo
Funny about your story. We have a guy at our local supermarket that makes me uneasy as well. Kind of a weirdo who makes inappropriate comments. I avoid him anytime I'm shopping. luckily he usually works on cash so I can purposely avoid his checkout line.
My Publix is quite friendly. I often hear, "Hi Mrs. B!" from the kids friends, parents of friends, and teachers. Once the cashiers realized I was Mr. A's mom, they stopped carding me. Darn those punks!
We don't have Publix's here in Texas, but we have plenty of weirdo predator types. ;)
It's interesting how there's such a gradient of human behavior, from "withdrawn," to "shy," to "normal," to "kind," to "gregarious," and then over the line into "creepy." I always like to err on the side of "withdrawn," myself. ;-)
It's so difficult for women, too, when they're faced with a creepy man. Men are less threatened by creepy women, and I think there are fewer creepy women anyway. Creepiness seems to be a largely male trait.
Whatever happened to "It's OK to say NO"? I agree about the spectrum from withdrawn to creepy, and the latter is just so often crossed, it makes me cross!
When one day Aldi overtakes Publix customers can bag and box their own groceries.
What a story!! It's a creepy experience yet you make it sound funny... But I'm kind of glad it didn't happen o me lol Well, something like this did happen, but I woudl be so upset if it happened at my fav grocery store... So true about there being boundaries, Suzie. Especially when yo're a young woman, it then feels almost like harassment! Some people just don't understand it and it's sad. And I always try to be polite but at times being rude is the ony way, ugh :(
Such a good Burgery point. If he had gone a bit further, reporting him would be right on my list, as well as a very nasty verbal exchange. As it was, I think he was just over-eager for some sort of human connection. He was fairly harmless.
But you're right! It's way too easy for women to make excuses for inappropriateness. We fear hurting feelings.
sounds pretty creepy to me
Even lonely old men can be creepy.It's probably not a coincidence that you and your mom were on the same page...distress signal. I enjoyed the humorous way you told this story.
verbalizing a boundary to someone who is violating them is an extremely empowering experience. I can recall once I verbalized a boundary with a colleague who was getting too close for no reason. I told him the precise behavior that was bothering me and what I was going to do in the future to make a change - namely limit my personal interaction with him to business meetings. It was a watershed moment for me - defining a boundary, saying it aloud, telling someone else in a non-accusatory way that they were violating my boundary, and taking responsibility for the behavior to maintain it in the future. It's possible to do this with anyone. Regardless of this man's intentions, innocent or not, if no one objects aloud, then there is no objection at all. Women, for some reason, feel like we are obliged to indulge other people's inappropriate behavior quietly and politely. But we do not have to do this.
I remember Publix well, from visits to my grandparents' winter house. I could walk to it all by myself, which was a big deal, back then, in elementary school.
I know just the kind of guy of which you speak. I think his kissing cousin goes to my church. I struck up a friendship with him (ironically when I ran into him at the grocery store) and well, couldn't get him out of my personal space for many months to come. The whole experience was just kinda creepy...
Oh, God.....I hate when that happens! It's like, you feel sorry for the guy and you don't want to get him in trouble, but yikes! Your poor mom has to work around HIS schedule?!?
No easy answer to this one!
I know it's a tough judgement call, especially for you ladies,but assuming someone is harmless can be a big mistake.My daughter made that mistake and it cost her life.I think being a woman must be a difficult balancing act between being normally kind and interested in men and having to be concerned about personal safety. I've always been glad I don't have to live that role.
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