A Little Pre-Prep: Diapering a Chicken

I'm so excited about being an aunt to my brother & sis-in-law's baby! The baby that is now 14 weeks old...in the womb. The one that still has another 6 months to go.

And I see that my brother is even more excited.
So excited that he has already gone out to purchase a package of diapers.

And practiced on the dog's plush chicken toy.

Hmm. Never pegged him for being quite this prepared. I hope they start working on colleges soon.

Branding of the Swine Flu: OMG

It's terrible, just terrible, but the name "Swine Flu" inspires a bit of humor. Growing up, we used to call our yellow lab "The Filthy Swine" after he would take an unexpected dip in the pool and roll in the grass--wet and disgusting--with an air of delightful narcissistic satisfaction. Is that why I find it so funny? Not sure.

But really, world health officials, REALLY. Before you name the next pandemic, can you think a little more strategically? The planet will have to hear its name repeated billions of times over, and we need to think this thing out clearly.

Take hurricanes for example. Every year, scientists comb through the alphabet to choose designations for anything that hits over 39 mph, and they plan this "hot list" well in advance. Most of the names are boring, but they're prepared! I see we have an Odette for this year. Hmm.

Of course the Swine Flu was a big topic in this week's Spanish class at work. Senior informed the class of the correct pronunciation of the virus: "Gripe Porcina." Much classier than Swine Flu. I'm going to start using it.

Another thought: Gripe Porcina could have assumed the name of my first roommate in college, who was a rude and disgusting person. I have spared her name here. Who knows what those crazy bloggers can do to one's life online. Your Swine Flu thoughts?

This might be fun to try one day...think?

Ahhhh, just what I needed

I've had my share of sadness, people who make me want to run (or attack!), and stressful situations lately. This weekend has been just what the doctor ordered. Plenty of outside, the Coaching Goddess and a good flick.

I'm sticking to my guns in a "best beach" vote for Anna Maria Island. There's nothing more annoying to me than trudging beyond what used to be dunes to find back-to-back umbrellas, noise and smoking pigs taking up the nice view and salty smell. At our little spot on Anna Maria, you'll find sea oats, blue green water and plenty of places to park your chair with a large people-free radius. I enjoy watching kids run, laugh and splash in the anemic waves, as long as it's not 10 million of them. It's just right on Anna Maria. Yesterday I sat with my behind in the surf, read The Optimist's Daughter, dug my hands in the sand and took a deep dip in the cool, unusually wavy water. The large frigate bird circling over head transposed a definite feeling of freedom and ease.

The Coaching Goddess always provides trusted friendship, laughs and insight to a life that is more complicated than it should be. After a short shopping jaunt, we enjoyed a Cosmo (well I did) and a little bite to eat at McAllister's before heading to see The Soloist. YOU MUST see this film, the true story of a LA Times reporter who discovered a Julliard educated violinist living on the streets with schizophrenia as a homeless man.

It's about living life as best you can and accepting others for who they are...and are not. Other than the obvious societal questions it raises about mental illness, homelessness, etc., it sheds light on other important quandries of life... Is your gift or talent any less if you are unable to share it with the world?

So with a relaxed brain, I headed out this morning with Flanders to enjoy the wind, the beach sunflowers, parenting ospreys and feeding spoonbill at Emerson Point Park in Palmetto. Oh, heaven! With slober dripping down the back window, encrusted sand and wet dog hair on the seat, we drove home feeling full and alive.

Bumper Sticker Irony

I enjoyed Pine Lakes Redhead's post yesterday on her favorite and most annoying bumper stickers. She beat me to it. I'll add just a few to the fave list:

• "Yes, I'm Driving a Truck. No, I Won't Help You Move,"
• The classic "Who Would Jesus Bomb?" and
• One I had never seen before that made me laugh uncontrollably on the highway, "Got Poop?"
  
  

But what's really great is an all-star bumper sticker giant whose very way of life contradicts the sticker itself. I was behind a huge SUV one day on the way to work that was wearing a "Stop Global Warming Now" sticker. It was so difficult to prevent myself from rolling down the window to share my thoughts.

Now, this is a good story. One of my dearest friends, a talented copywriter, mother and creative, worked with me one summer as a telemarketer at the Freedom Boat Club--along with half of our other friends. (This is a story in itself that will make you laugh your behind off, but that's for another day.)

On our last day at work for the summer, she ground her car into a ditch so deeply that the bottom of the bumper was even with the pavement. Her bumper sticker read "Women are Natural Born Leaders, You're Following One Now." Although she is a natural born leader, I couldn't help but enjoy the irony of the situation as the truck & chain was hauling her out of the ditch. Good times, good times.

Are All Health Food Store Workers Snobs?

In a deep Southern accent, the proclamation was issued, "All of these health food store employees are the snottiest people alive." I'm not sure I totally agree, but during a recent visit to my parents' house, it was announced with as much truth and certainty as the statement "Florida is a peninsula."

Evidently, the fam had more than one bad experience with the crew of the New Smyrna Beach natural supplement/a few organic veggies/lots of fake meat dinner stores. And perhaps part of the problem is that health food store workers often confuse themselves with doctors. They hold the coveted herbal prescriptions to anything that could stop itching, anxiety, cholesterol problems, angina, hypertension, hypotension, acne, erectile dysfunction, etc., etc., etc. And if they're generous enough to just give that wisdom away, you can at least expect to be looked up and down with a judgemental eye.

My solution for New Smyrna Beach: get a Whole Foods. I hate to be "pro big box store," but seriously, Whole Foods is awesome. The staff of our local Whole Foods wouldn't dare flash the evil eye at their customers. Although I rarely visit it to peruse the wild assortment of bottles in the supplement aisle, I know a kind, environment-loving employee will always come to share a bit of advice and point out what I need...without an elitist attitude.

In the meantime, mom & dad, did you ever hear of the miracle herb protynaciniabrtyal? Me neither...I think I made it up. But it would be a good one to mention to the next health food store snob who tries to teach you a thing or two with attitude.

Overdose on Susan Boyle

I know many readers will hate me for this. But if I see that Susan Boyle video one more time, I am going to cross from the realm of sanity to a place where the sun has never shined.

Don't know what I'm talking about? Sorry, I'm not going to post the video here. I can't. Believe me, I'm rooting for her all the way. Her vocal chords should be immortalized and blasted to the far reaches of space during our next mission.

But if an "unattractive" woman belting out a song like nobody's business becomes the hit of the century by virtue of her umatching traits, we've got lots to be ashamed of folks. Is it really that amazing that someone who is "ugly" has talent?

You betta go check yo' self before you reck yo' self. And that's all I have to say about that.

The Crystal Ball is Broken

I'm feeling an odd sense of directionless lately. Directionless: is that even a word? It must be like "irregardless," SO not a word but misused so many times Webster finally added it to the dictionary. How pitiful is that? And notice I have already diverged from the topic.

I just went to look up my horoscope a few moments ago--just for kicks--and the page said "Currently under construction. Come back later!"

I'm feeling the need for a big change but don't see the particulars of it just yet. I have a terrible habit of ignoring the signals of necessary change until it's forced upon me. The big "C" usually comes with a considerable amount of discomfort. I'm so not up for that. And am not sure what's in store for an alteration, but the feeling of heaviness is there. I'm utterly drained and emotionally exhausted this week. Is that what's causing this? Must be something more.

Who has the crystal ball? If you're out there, could you please return it? Where can a girl get a good, reasonable horoscope online anyway. I'm a Taurus. Tell me what's in store.

War of the Oral Egos

For Pete's sake, can you just get the GD tooth out?

After he was put under the knife twice yesterday, neither my husband nor I was in the mood for excuses, blame or ginormous egos. But hey, an unexpected $550 covers the cost of a good show involving a head the size of Montana.

After the promise of a simple triple wisdom tooth extraction at the dentist, fully paid for by insurance, Larry was supposed to be on his merry way home. But a little complication occurred. After yanking on that third sucker and breaking it all off but the stubborn roots, the dentist informed us that a little excursion to the oral surgeon was in order. "A 2 pm appointment is available, and everything should be covered," they told us.

Ha! After a few hours of lounging around the waiting room listening to enough Kenny G to kill you (0.5 seconds actually accomplishes that goal), we were escorted into the room to meet a gum smacking hot shot with gold bracelets and a smart ass demeanor. After the oral surgeon berated the lowly dentist for being half the man he was, we got to the business of the $550 payment. The details are too boring and painful to share.

Oh wait! I forgot to tell you, Doc Hot Shot spend a good 10 minutes of our dwindling afternoon reporting how he valiently saved the life of an elderly woman whose heart stopped beating in the chair. When the paramedics finally arrived, they were in utter amazement at his skill and heroism. My God. I can't believe he didn't remove the tooth with his mind.

I will share the best part. Coming back in the room with Larry after he slowly came out of his drug induced coma, I enjoyed the tail end of his conversation with the nurse. He had invited her to dinner and was asking for some moisture to be added to his lips. From a sheer moral perspective, I couldn't possibly report some additional conversation that transpired during his half conscious return to the world...

Of one thing I am sure, dentists and oral surgeons are not in danger of going down in this economy.

The "Green Initiative" Surprise

Have I told you how incredible my co-workers are?

Checking my e-mail remotely from New Smyrna Beach last week, I uncovered an all-staff "Green Initiatives" meeting planned for work today. It's something we haven't quite tackled, and the timing is a little strange, but whatever. Last night, I printed a bunch of materials to contribute to the conversation since I'm pretty passionate about it. Nicole had prepared a folder complete with her materials and asked me about my ideas before we headed out the door.

I sure didn't expect to walk into the "meeting" to find the whole staff standing there clapping, with photos of myself on the screen at the FPRA/CWC awards banquet, U2 blasting out of the speakers and vegetarian delights everywhere. Needless to say, I was surprised as hell. Who on earth would do this? The amazing, thoughtful, always giving people I work with. And soooo clever. I'm a very suspicious person, and never had the slightest inkling of this... I am so grateful for them.

Thank you! I will remember this for a very, very long time.

Passing On

I can't quite feel the appropriateness of blogging in a forum like Gropius about someone very dear moving out of this life. So I've been silent for a while.

I'd thought I'd share something simple, a photo of a lovely sunset the day after her passing, along with the words of one of my favorite poets, Robert Frost.


"Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."


I'll miss you, Ingrid.

"They made me feel like myself again."

I was very moved by Circus Sarasota's Laughter Unlimited luncheon today. If you aren't familiar with the program, here's the scoop: they provide professional clowns, circus entertainers and trained volunteers to visit nursing homes, assisted living facilities, day care centers, hospitals and other institutions bringing joy and laughter to those who could reaaally use it.

I know what you're thinking...you're a little "iffy" on the whole clown thing, right? I understand. And that's how John Overton, CEO of the Pines of Sarasota and today's speaker, began his talk about the Circus Sarasota/ Pines partnership. What started as a childhood fear of clowns (I guess it's a LOT more common than I thought) has developed into great love for them. He has seen how laughter penetrates the hearts of people who are sick, near death and without family, or otherwise unreachable.

Some of the anecdotes he shared of residents talking for the first time in ages, squeezing clowns' hands with joy, and getting in one final laugh before departing from this life were incredibly touching. One resident said, "They made me feel like myself again." Need I say more?

I've been thinking more than usual about the moment we leave this earth. We don't ever know when that might be. Many of us are lucky enough to reach ripe old ages. Some of us have family with us. Others may feel utterly alone, hopeless and closer to Jupiter than a laugh. Look at what these folks do! The people they provide relief and laughter for people who are our mothers, fathers, grandmothers, brothers.... Feel like helping them continue with this work? Good karma will come back. Here's where you can learn more & give: http://www.circussarasota.org/. Do it.

Feeling 10 Days Older Than Water

A few observations and conversations lately, namely relating to children and music, are making me feel ten days older than water.

Reconnecting with an old friend on Facebook, I saw a photo of her family. Her 12 year old who I remembered fondly as a cute little kid first transitioning from elementary school to middle school is now in college. What is that all about?

My tween stepson is now impossible to shop for without him by my side, as all the clothes I bring home are now "dorky." The silver iron-on symbols on dark jeans with faded-to-white centers are dorky to me, but apparently I am no longer qualified to make those decisions. And while we're sharing the same space in the car to go shopping, he makes quick use of head phones to transport acceptable music--my selection is far too unhip for him.

Also on the music side, I have noticed that the 80's tunes which I grew up listening to are now on oldies 108. Ummmm....that's really scary. I do like the "real" oldies, like Sam Cooke and Elvis. Oh wait...that was the same music I was embarrassed to have in the car when my parents were transporting me somewhere with friends.

Okay, okay, I get it. This is pay back for making my dad turn off the Mozart before I opened the car door to get out at school. We listened to that and positive thinking tapes on the ride to Selwyn Elementary.

Watch out, young tween in my house, it could be worse. And even worse than that, you could end up doing the same yourself and thinking nothing of it when you're old like me.

Step AWAY from the Screen...

So it's Monday at 7:23 a.m. on the first day of my va/stay-cation, and I've already logged in to my work e-mail. What is wrong with me? I've tried to do a partial psych analysis on myself and, although none of these reasons completely jive, here are some thoughts about why I do it:

• I'm afraid I'll miss something I was supposed to do before I left...Things are always so hectic when you're trying to wrap up.
• I can clean out unwanted stuff so I won't return to 9,002, 087 e-mails when I return.
• I will be alerted to anything big that breaks while I'm away so I won't have the anticipation of returning to something unknown...like life as I know it in the office has drastically changed for some unforseen reason.
• I am addicted to work.

Whatever the reason, they all point to the same truth: I cannot escape from work unless I leave town! (And do not have a computer with me capable of connecting to our Terminal Services!)

When Wednesday comes, I'll be enjoying this reality on the east coast, but for the next two days I'm going to try my best not to log in again. Can I do it? Bets are on.

Ingrid & Inspiration

Visiting Ingrid in the hospital today, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for everything she has taught me. I've never met someone who has at once made me feel so comfortable, hopeful, simple and full of life. Why? Because that's who she is. She reflects it and projects it on everyone she meets.

Here's a real gem I found on UrbanMonk.net. It's from a post called "What 11 Inspirational People Can Teach You About Life" by Glen Allsopp. Read the whole thing here.

• Be courageous in your efforts and fight for the things you believe in.


• Opportunities in life are abundant, if something in life doesn’t go your way, roll with the punches until something does. Don’t let one ‘failure’ make you turn around and give up.


• Never think that you are above the advice or intelligence of others. We can achieve so much more when working together.


• Act through your intentions. Only from following through with the things you believe in can you enjoy fulfilment.


• Being successful isn’t always about taking on the biggest challenges. It’s about constantly growing and conquering the feats you can manage.


• Don’t just help others for the sake of getting something in return. Help others in order to help others, nothing more.


• Do things for the greater good of humanity, rather than just focusing on your own mind-made constraints.


• We are all one, you are not alone in this journey of life, and therefore you shouldn’t see yourself as more or less than anyone else.


• Do not take anybody’s messages as fact. Use what works for you and dismiss the rest.


• Don’t take life so seriously, enjoy the simplicity in everything.


• Be willing to grow and evolve on your journey through life. Don’t remain stagnant in your ways and mindsets.

Well, what do you think? I thank you, Ingrid.

Sushi Ear Roll? Harry Hematoma is Gone.

Poor Flanders. That sweet girl has more vet visits than any dog in the history of wolf/dingo domestication. Yesterday I came home to find one of her ears apparently weighted down by a water balloon. After some speedy Googling, I self-diagnosed it as an Aural Hematoma, not life threatening but requiring surgery to prevent disfigurement and permanent "cauliflower ear."

That's delicious lunch time conversation.

She spent the day at the vet today, where she was sliced, suctioned and sealed. Her ear looks a bit like a sushi roll the way they have it wrapped.

I feel so sorry for her. She feels bad, doesn't understand how I could do this to her and is currently asleep on the couch. Thank goodness for that.

It's the second time I have had part of her removed... What Gropius reader could forget Gary, the benign head lump removed a while back? We were going to hold a mock funeral, but life got in the way. And now R.I.P. for Harry Hematoma. It's only right to assign it a personality--they were cousins.

Wish a speedy recovery for Flan. Right now, she's not talking to me.