Does the Florida Skunk Ape exist?

Don't challenge me on this one. Inquiring minds are wondering where Gropius gets off with 140+ blog posts and no content on the Skunk Ape.

Obsession with the existence of "theoretical," "mythical," or "legendary" creatures isn't a pastime of mine, but the Florida Skunk Ape is slightly different. The existence of an occult being living nearly close enough to be considered backyard wildlife strikes up the appeal. And for a 2 year period working at a nature center east of the Interstate, I heard my fair share of stories.

The skunk ape is aptly named by its odoriferous hair, soaked in the aroma of the southern swamps of our state. Of course it's a vegetarian, and though rarely seen, an entire museum has been dedicated to its legendary existence. A couple of years ago, Gropius organized an outing to the Florida Skunk Ape Research Headquarters in Ochopee, Florida--located in the heart of the Everglades. As you can see from the pics, it's a world class operation.

During a tour through the Thousand Islands with an Everglades National Park Ranger the following day, we learned that the folks who operate the headquarters are not exactly considered friends of the environment. Big shocker. Someone there allegedly dressed up in a Skunk Ape outfit and ran through a campground, scaring the daylights out of a few kids and their parents. One might ask if we really have to resort to these measures, given the fact that the creature is...er um...real.

(As an aside, I'll say that the collection of exotic snakes at the headquarters were interesting. But even more interesting was the number of large glass cages without lids... The escaped reptiles are most likely the ones we're seeing on the news, responsible for breeding and eating alligators.)

Rumor has it that the Myakka area is home to a one armed Skunk Ape. How did it loose the arm? Does it have a mate? How can I meet it? Please, someone provide me with answers. The suspense is killing me.

At the risk of being called corny, here it is: Happy Birthday, Bono.

What can Gropius say? The world is a better place because of you.

Readers, why not make a donation to the African Well Fund? There's a birthday campaign going on, and you can be part of it. Check it out here.

While I was scouting for a suitable photo for the b-day post, I found this one. Couldn't resist.

Mother’s Day, ProFlowers & Sprint?

I have a hunch. Sprint and ProFlowers are either owned by the same company or share the same employees. The similarities in customer disservice and task incompletion are uncanny.

You may remember the Sprint story from a couple months back. (And in case you’re wondering, I’m still receiving the bill for $0.23.)

As for ProFlowers, I warned husband not to use them again for Mother’s Day. This time, his mother received the wrong flowers…again. “Wrong” as in flowers he did not order. And “wrong” as in flowers that looked like wounded warriors: broken stems and petals. But the card was the funniest part. Verbatim, it read “From Chuck and Susan, who insisted on having their names included.”

Who the hell are Chuck and Susan? And what ProFlowers employee of the month included the rest of the message?

On one hand, this incident provides a bit of comedy. On the other hand, it’s Mother’s Day. You don’t mess around with that.

After husband left some choice words with the customer service rep who was lucky enough to pick up his call, he was told that the charge would be erased from his account and the correct flowers would be delivered immediately. But, “Oops! Our website is down temporarily. We’ll call you back in 10 minutes.” After two hours, husband called back ready to take some names. This time, “I’m sorry sir, we’re all out of flowers. It’s too late to have them delivered on Mother’s Day.”

Husband is working on a flower delivery from them next week with card reading “I’m sorry that ProFlowers is such a suck fest of a company.” Think they’ll do it?

I’ll spare you the relay of expletives from his phone conversation but leave you with this thought. If you order from ProFlowers, you’re guaranteed a card and something that used to grow in soil of some sort. As for specifics, it’s a real crap shoot. I wonder what Chuck and Susan’s mom received.

Things That Should Be Illegal

Here's my short list. What am I missing here?

1. Television "documentaries" covering what-if analyses of asteroids hitting the earth. Please. Another one was on last night. For one hour, it continued to show something that looked like a giant baked potato hurling toward the earth. The rest of the program consisted of a series of interviews with college professors interlaced with real footage of fire and waves. Should be illegal. There are plenty of things to scare us about that we can actually change.

2. Mustaches. No further explanation required.

3. NOT owning a Ped Egg. Oh man, they're the best. Everyone should have one. How can you not have one after seeing the satisfaction of grating your feet portrayed on commercials?

4. Ever seen those rims that keep spinning when cars are stopped at traffic lights? They should be illegal. Ugly, distracting, so unnecessary.

5. Grocery store check out cashiers analyzing your purchases. My gosh. Someone at the store on Manatee Ave literally makes a commentary on every third item that she scans. I've learned to avoid her check out line. So has everyone else. Her line will be clear of anyone, when every other line is stacked 3-4 people thick.

6. Pennies. Seriously...one cent? Can we PLEASE move past this? I would pay four cents more for anything to avoid the penny. No offense, Abe Lincoln.

and finally,

7. "Wife beater" tank tops. I just feel like sleeves are necessary for the male sex when in public. Or if men must wear tank tops, wear the kind without huge arm holes. It's just not right. ILLEGAL.

One Small Gift for the Birds?

On May 7, the hidden girl behind Gropius turns 33. Scary. Any number that's divisible by 11 is scary. ...Although 3 X 3 is 9, a sacred number, just like 3. Any way you slice it, there's a little somethin' I'd love to ask of you.

Watch this video, "The State of the Birds," a beautiful and informative 4 minute video made possible by the efforts of thousands of citizen-science participants. The website, video, and printed report were produced for the partnership by the Cornell Lab of Ornithology. (www.stateofthebirds.org) Consider all of the beautiful diversity surrounding us on this blue and green globe. And think of how much of it abounds in Florida--right here in Sarasota/ Bradenton.

Would you give $10 (or anything you felt comfortable with) to an organization that protects it, engages outdoor adventurers in it, and educates children and adults about its magnificence?

Think about it. And if you decide you can spare the change, click here to donate to the Sarasota Audubon Society in one easy and secure step. It would make the birthday blogger oh so happy. Learn more about Sarasota Audubon online at www.sarasotaaudubon.org. And thanks for considering.

Diverging from Life as I Know It with Pepsi Throwback

Summer vacation is far in the distance, and I have spring fever worse than any swine flu outbreak the media could conjure. I've just had enough. Know that feeling? Sure you do. But you could care less about reading my symptoms.

So let me diverge. What's up with this Pepsi Throwback thing? It sounds like Pepsi Vomit. Seriously, say it to yourself: "Throwback." Does that word elicit the sort of images you want to have of something you will digest? Or something you had partially digested that is returning for another look at the sun?

Here's another angle. Pepsi is spending good money to convince us that real sugar in softdrinks is much better than corn syrup...but Throwback is only offered for a limited time. Huh? So in a few months we'll go back to the crap?

I haven't exactly tasted it yet; coke is my downfall. So I'll have to post a follow up. Thoughts? Home taste tests? Gropius wants to know. After you post your comment ('cause you know I want it), listen to this NPR story on the drink. Love the Mountain Dew dissing at the end.

Is a greeting too much to ask?

Hey, jobs are not exactly growing on trees these days. And even if they were, I still think I'd be a little miffed at the current lack of good manners of many people working in retail (who I do have an immense respect for, by the way).

You'd think Lowe's was doing me a huge favor today by allowing me to shop there for soil and mulch. The cashier smacked her lips when she realized she needed to stop watering to ring up my expensive bags of dirt. When she said nothing to greet me, I said "Hey there! How are you today?" Her response "Good."

At the drive thru at Goodwill on Manatee Ave a few weeks ago, my entire drop-off of lightly used goods took place with only one word uttered by the attendant. "Yes." That was in response to my dare-to-ask question, "You take books, don't you?" No "hello," no "thank you," no nothin'.

Is it picky of me to expect places you're either donating to or buying from to train their staff to greet you? Maybe I'm just being silly, but the lack of manners freakin' drives me nuts.