Three Ridiculous Things About Today

• I'll start out the list with the fact that today is Thursday, not Friday. It not only seems like today should be Friday, but I've earned it, man. Two 9 hour days, one 11 hour day, one 14 hour day, one parent teacher conference, one presentation, a drive to Tampa, a board meeting and a million meetings after Monday morning started, I'm ready for a break.


• I actually had to tell someone "no" about the same thing for the fifth time today. This person introduced himself in my office early in the week--while crossing the personal space boundary of kissing my hand without invitation and calling me "princess," I might add. After making an unreasonable request once over the phone, twice in person and once with a written note, I had to explain to him AGAIN that the answer to the same question is (and will always be) "NO." I would truly hate to be a woman on a date with this guy.
  
• There is no debate tonight. In a sick and twisted way, I've gotten quite addicted to watching two people twist words and history around (in various degrees, depending on the candidate) as they try to produce clever and "top that" oriented sound bites. For some reason, it produces a wild fighting urge in me. At once, it's maddening and exciting...and, er, a little depressing.

On the bright side, there is hope. Tomorrow is actually Friday, the probability of the no-man calling again has significantly diminished, and The Office is on tonight.

How has your week been?

I'm Getting a Little Creeped Out

If you know me, there's no doubt in your mind that I'm a big lover of reptiles (the real kind, not politicians). But when our news is filled with stories about escaped and thriving pythons, iguanas, tegus (look it up) and other scaled creatures from faraway lands...right here in Sarasota/ Bradenton...I get a little creeped out.

Of course the takeover first came to light for most of us when that debatable photo of an exploded python with alligator was released. We all learned that python pets-no-more are filling the glades, reproducing and taking names. It's pretty serious when you think about all of the native species that are being taken out. And personally, I really don't want to come across a python big enough to take a gator when I'm out trail blazing.

Now we know there are iguana invaders all over our islands and keys, gobbling up native birds, native herps and basically anything the right size. And they're really hard to catch (I mean the lizards).

According to this recent article in the Bradenton-Herald, a 10 foot python and tegu were recently captured (escaped pets) and provided to a local wildlife rescue organization for educational purposes. A quote from the article about the rescue org. representative: "Not only has he provided a home for both of them, but the snake now has a name too. We think Crosby the snake will be very happy in his new environment. "

Point #1: Yes, I'm happy Crosby is in a new environment too. Reptile owners, can you please be more responsible? With the number of iguanas running around on our islands and pythons taking over, there's a serious limit to orphanages for them, once captured--if captured.

Point #2: I'm intrigued by what this snake's name was before it was captured. I'm guessing it wasn't something like GW the snake, Fuzzy, or Henry. It must have been something really baaaad. Bradenton-Herald, please do a better job of answering the questions we want to know. Do I hear follow-up?

The Week in Review

I'm having a slight case of blogger's block but have missed out on the therapeutic benefits of near-daily interaction with the screen, getting things off my chest. Here are my observations from this week in review:

• Telling the truth is so much easier than not telling the truth. Except for a few tiny white lies that slip out every now and then to protect the innocent from unnecessary insult, I avoid lying at all costs. I can't say the same for some kids, who insist on thinking they won't get busted while looking you right in the face, popping out a ginormous bald-faced lie. The same is true of politicians. They stare right into the camera and puke out a big one. Both kids and politicians know they're going to get busted in the inevitable fact-checking stage, but somehow keep the up the game. It's a mystery. And it's a mystery that greatly complicates the world, quite unnecessarily.
  
• People who repeatedly leave voice mail messages about non-urgent matters, on work voice mail and on cell phone voice mail, over 4 times in the same day, do not increase chances of getting called back. In fact, they actually trigger the opposite response. If you're not getting a call back, it either means I am very, very busy or that you have called me 47 times already about the same thing and we're not getting anywhere.
  
• I'd rather be in Gainesville this weekend. Hearing about a friend's trip to G'ville for a wedding reminded me that it's been too long since I've seen Payne's Prairie, Devil's Millhopper, El Indio and the Florida Museum of Natural History. I'm ready for a road trip.

Adventures with the Manatee County School System

Oh, how I love our local school system. Actually, the little guy--who's not so little anymore--has some pretty strong teachers this year. (Except for one of them. Indication #1 was the back to school night when she spent her precious 4 minutes with the parents talking about the mystery of disappearing pencils and paper in last year's class and how annoying that was.)

So here's someone I don't like. She's supposed to be in charge of the "extra" support we need. But what she's really in charge of is excuses. And lame excuses at that. She's like the operator of a wet mop that has collected tons of crap, and instead of cleaning it with fresh hot water, she just continues to smudge the crap around on the floor making no real progress.

I called her today to set up a parent teacher conference.

Line 1 of her response:

"You know, I can't set that meeting up. You need to talk to the office manager, and you'll have to call back in the morning." Not I'll make this happen. Not thank you for being a concerned parent.

Time consumed: 1/4 of our conversation

Translation: "You are a turd for giving me more work to do."

Line 2 of her response:

"You know, ALL of the teachers will have to be at this meeting. You can't just meet with one of them. It will be everyone, all 7 teachers, aaaaall together."

Time consumed: 1/2 of our conversation

Translation: Now this line was clearly aimed at intimidation. She's thinking, "Maybe if I make this pest feel outnumbered, I won't have to be at this meeting and I'll have less work." Wrong, lady. So wrong.

Line 3 of her response, which is really starting to piss me off:

Something along the lines of "You know every teacher has 139 students. There's just no way that teachers can take care of every little detail with 139 students. 139 students is a whole lot of students."

Time consumed: The last 1/4 of this lousy conversation

Translation: This means, "In the grand scheme of things, we couldn't give one little starburst about your student. And don't you even think for one second that he matters...or that I care about the conference that you are evidently going to move forward with despite my best efforts to derail it."

Thanks for the clarity! I'm soooo glad I called. It at least confirms where I stand before the big event. I know you'll look forward to the blog about the parent teacher conference. It's all up to the office manager now.

Is it true?

Is it true that today is only Tuesday? Yesterday felt like an entire week.

I should be grateful that entire weeks are fitting into days, and thus available weeks in my life are multiplying by 5 (since this formula doesn't hold true for weekend days).

I'm working myself up into the mentality of waiting for each weekend to come, hoping the weekdays will run by with lightening speed. I need to cheer up. Here are three small things that would tide me over for now, Powers of the Universe:

• Equip everyone with a WalMart Buddha, as I received yesterday from a local coaching goddess after admiring hers. The paradox of a Buddha from WalMart is a story in itself--a strangely comforting but confounding story. I'll keep it on my desk to signify hope.
  
• A catalogue of all peeing statues in Sarasota. The one pictured here (courtesy of Skunk Ape Photography) is across the street from Zoria's on Main. To the simple passerby, this location is a typical downtown Sarasota scene. To those who take a more careful, studious approach, the location is the site of many an impropriety. One day last year, a bunch of kids had poured detergent in the "toilet" here and suds the height of a 10 story building were emerging. Little did they know that they could just approach this work of art from behind and get a giggle without causing a Level 17 clean up effort.
  
• A new David Grimes Sarasota Curmudgeon blog posting every day. I hate it that you're not writing for the Herald any longer, but David, you're cracking me up on Sarasota Magazine's website.
  

I'm not asking for much. But I need to laugh frequently...and not always at myself.

Myths About Laundry

Husband is pretty darn good about splitting dreaded domestic chores, and in fact, totally indulged me today in my transformation to Bob Vila. (It was time to paint the house trim and shutters...not tomorrow, not next week, but TODAY, and I MEAN NOW!)

Despite all this touchy feely-ness, there are some urban legends to dispel about laundry in our household. Doing laundry is one of the chores that falls under my responsibilities 98% of the time, but on the occasion that I can't get to part of it/ all of it, or am banning it from my weekend altogether, here are the myths I am facing:

• If the laundry just stays there long enough, it will automatically wash itself.
• Pressing "start" on the washing machine = doing the laundry for wife.
• If you remove clothes from the dryer and just mound them on the chair, they will especially not require ironing. And if they do need ironing, they will magically iron themselves and crawl into drawers or onto hangers.
• Wife will not get cross or angry when she wakes up from nap and sees that you have "helped" by piling sad, twisted and monstrous heaps of clean clothes onto the above mentioned chair.

I'm not sure if this is uniquely Sarasota/ Bradenton, but I'm willing to bet it's just "uniquely husband." Thoughts?

Okay, Okay, Hob Nob Was An Oversight

My GOSH. Evidently, a few people were quite perturbed that the recent list of The Most Inspiring did not include Sarasota's landmark drive-in restaurant, the Hob Nob. Although we're still training people to actually post their comments ON Gropius, I've received a phone call and an e-mail or two about the offensive Hob Nob omission, in addition to one comment on the blog itself.

Just to show how remorseful I am, here's a tribute to the much-loved, historic, eat-outside grease joint. I did dine there for lunch today with a group of co-workers. We all agreed how fabulous it was to see so many different types of people there--all sitting on benches, all eating fries and onion rings out of oily paper wrappers.

I freely admit that the Hob Nob grilled cheese with tomatoes rivals any grilled cheese with tomatoes I've ever had. And when our IT guy ordered a chocolate milkshake, he swore we would all be jealous and wish we had made the extra 2 pound commitment as soon as it was delivered; he couldn't have been more right.

And after watching the season premiere of The Office last night, when everyone went on a weight loss rampage (including Kelli, who swallowed a tape worm purchased from Creed), I felt like I was due for some extra calories.

The Hob Nob gave me a chance to soak up the delicious taste of Fall in today's air, while I watched construction workers, Chanel-look alikes with dark glasses and red lipstick, and regular 9 to 5 ers enjoy laughs, catching up and good conversation. It's funny--the food is classic American, but people return for the experience and for the fun of being part of something commonplace yet inclusive.

Have you been to the HN recently? Put it on your list.